New Vid: Hurt

[ash48]

banner by geckoholic Thanks! :)

Title: Hurt
Vidder: ash48
Song: Hurt by Johnny Cash
Category: Character study, angst
Length: 3.24m
Size 27.6mb
Summary: Dean's hurting in more ways than one.


Links: Watch: You Tube
Downloads:4shared (.avi) sendspace (.divx)

vid_the_grid prompt: angst/saddness

Thanks as always to _sharvie_. This was fantastic fun to work on together. Lots of meta discussions and talks about colour use etc. Thanks darlin' for your support as usual and for a fantastic beta job.

Big hugs and thanks to maichan808, secretlytodream and Toni (tiggeratl1) for their encouraging feedback and support. I submitted this to premiere at Winchestercon 09 so needed a wee bit of hand holding before I sent it! Thanks so much guys. *hugs*

Vid notes:

This song was first performed by Nine Inch Nails and later covered by Johnny Cash. I love his rendition and when I was tossing up whether to actually make this vid I heard it on the radio 3 times in one day AND happened to see the Johnny Cash music video, (which is very simple but powerful) and I figured it was a sign and went for it. :)

Angst vids are always my biggest challenge, but one that I thorougly enjoy. For this one it was primarily the lyrical interpretation. Some were quite straight forward but something like "the needle tears a hole" doesn't strictly relate to Dean as he's not doing drugs, so I chose to interpret the "needle" as Sam and the hole he's tearing is through Dean's heart, which then led to "the old familiar sting" and I saw this as being a feeling Dean has felt before and asssociated that with time when Sam has either betrayed him or has shown his darker side. I also wanted to link all those moments with shots that were associated blood (which appears again later in vid). There's more of course, but I won't bore you with the details! :)

I finished this before Season 5 started and worried that it might be a bit dated for Dean now, but in fact I think Dean is still carrying the guilt of not being there for Sam when he needed him most. Well, to me anyway.

No money made but feedback is gratefully accepted (and treasued in fact). If you do watch and are unsure on what I am trying to say with a particular interpretation feel free to ask me about it. :)

Comments

[secretlytodream.livejournal.com]

Ah! You already know how much I love this vid hon ^___^

[ash48.livejournal.com]

I know! And thank you SO much for your wonderful feedback. It meant such a lot to me.

(could you do me a little favour - if you are still around - and check what the quality is like on YT? For some reason all my vids are coming across as really pixelated and my view count has been stuck on 307 since yesterday. Just wanted to check if it's just me!)

Thanks hun if you can... :) all sorted! Sort of. :)

[redteekal.livejournal.com]

Wow. That was intense...as in it was one of those vids (and these are as rare as hens teeth) where even though I was so achingly familiar with every second of footage I found myself completely absorbed in it, I didn't have an outside thought for a single second of it - all it was, was completely Dean's story. Most vids I find myself having observational thoughts as I watch - conscious acknowledgement of vidder's techniques but here the vid was so seamless, the scene selection so inherently compelling that I was just totally wrapped up in the story and the song lyrics. Didn't even really wonder about your effects or techniques till after the first viewing.

Great vid Ash, one of the best Dean character studies I have ever watched. I'm just dying now to find out if you've done a Sam one or if you haven't done one how you would handle his story. Thanks for making and sharing...I think even Jensen would have been impressed by this!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. This is such wonderful feedback. Thank you so much.

To say you were completely absorbed is such a wonderful thing for a vidder to hear. I'm so glad it worked for you.

Ah Sam. I have been trying to settle on something for ages... I just have to find the right song to tell the right story. I'm toying with Behind Blue Eyes, simply because I think the lyrics wold work so well for him, but I'm concerned the song is a little.... um...? Twee or something. A bit sentimental?. I'm not sure. Sometimes I love it sometime I don't.

I've also be thinking about Head Like a Hole (NIN) - it's pretty full on and would look at Sam relishing his powers etc.

So yeah, not sure yet. But I definitely want to do a Sam story, especially as I'm drawn to Sam so much! :)

Thanks again. Your comment is one that will stay with me. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_sharvie_/]

Whoo-hoo! It's up. Yay! You must have been on pins and needles wanting to post.

I forgot how much we tweaked color....it looks fabulous and the selective blurriness works perfectly.

Checked out the quality on YT, it looked shaky in some spots and I know it didn't have that before....but not sure if that's a YT thing or not.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Yay! Oh man.... never had to wait before!

Thanks again hun... loved they way we tweaked this, especially the colour.

Re the YT quality. What I'm seeing is really, really pixelated - it's absolutely yuk. But when I check other peoples vids they look fine. I am seriously hoping it's a problem with my log in or something. It's freaking me out!

Also... what view count can you see?

Thanks again for everything sweetie.
*huggles*

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

Ooh perfect song choice and so nicely done. I love the mix of B&W and colour. \o/

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much hun! *snuggles*

(AND I remember my vid_the_grid prompt! \o/)

[sonja-mars.livejournal.com]

I always love the Johnny Cash version of this song and video. I think it perfectly fits with Dean's story, and at the same time, if watch from Sam's POV it still makes sense. Beautifully done! Thank you for sharing!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It's good to hear that it makes sense from Sam's POV as well.

Thanks so much for popping by. :)

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

Oh god, you've just ripped my heart out.
This was so achingly beautiful, and I think Johnny Cash fit way better than Nine Inch Nails for this vid, btw.
Loved it, in spite or maybe because of, the ouchie factor.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh hun! *puts heart back in*

Thank you! And I know what you mean... there's just "something" about the ouchie factor! :)

Thanks so much for watching and commenting! :)

[maychorian.livejournal.com]

Ouch. That's amazing, and so painful. Wonderfully done.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much hun! :D

[runedgirl.livejournal.com]

That was incredibly moving and seamlessly, perfectly constructed to have words, music and visuals flow together. I had to blink a few times by the time I got to the end. Wow. Kudos on a fantastic job!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That's such a lovely thing to say. I appreciate it.

Thanks again! :)

[growyourwings.livejournal.com]

That was very beautiful. I feel like I could rewatch it multiple times and still see something different.

Mesmerizing.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :D

[geckoholic]

I guess I told you already, but why not doing it again? ;-)
It's a great vid, so touching . . . *sniffles* Well done!!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Yes. Thank you darlin'. And thanks again for the banner. I love it! :D

[lsketch42.livejournal.com]

Oh, love it, Ash. I haven't really felt that connection to the characters in awhile, but this totally reminded me why Dean breaks my heart. And the lyric use was wonderful (especially that montage of him drinking himself away when it talks about 'hurting myself again' *clutches him* ).

All around, amazing as usual.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Wow Lauren! Thank you so much. So thrilled it worked for you.

*smishes*

Hurt

[yourlibrarian]

Wow. You know, you've always done marvelous vids but watching this I felt like I was seeing this progression in your vidmaking. I thought it was really remarkable, and I say that even though the vid type isn't something I tend to enjoy much. It was edited beautifully as I would have expected but I thought it was gripping to see the marriage with the lyrics and the clips. One could believe this was written for just the topic you applied it to. For example, the "you are someone else, I am still right here" was just chilling (and I love what you did in highlighting the blood in the clips before).

Also, I've just got to say how happy it made me to see the Pastor Jim shot included here. I think there's a lot of fic that extrapolates how important he must have been to Sam and Dean in their childhood but for perhaps obvious reasons this doesn't get seen much in vids.

Re: Hurt

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi. Thank you so much for this lovely comment. Especially about the progression. I don't so angst so much because I generally find it so much harder to do, but it's usually more satisfying.

And yay! Pastor Jim. I would say it's from reading fics that made me think about putting him in. I suppose it was my little way of agreeing that he would have been important in their lives.

Thanks again for your lovely feedback. It means a lot to me.
xx

[englishblue.livejournal.com]

Great vid!!!!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :D

[a-phoenixdragon.livejournal.com]

This...this was gorgeous!!

It is always relevant for Dean, love...my God, the weight he carries!! *Sobs*

Thank you for this!! I'm SO pimping on my LJ, darling!! And I was sure to download it immediately!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

*Clings*

*hugs you*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi! Thank you so very much.So glad you liked it and thank you SO much for the pimp. I really appreciate it.

*hugs*

[ia-ne.livejournal.com]

Very intense and painful, makes me wish/wonder once again if they will ever have a safe (not normal!) life in which they can (re)learn to live according to their own principles and dreams, and not driven by Dad, saving as many people as possible, angels...

The last few seconds are especially painful to watch, I think ultimately it is so much harder to be given the decison whether or not your brother can live and to endure the consequences than to "just" watch your brother die. I hope (and from what we've already seen in S5 we can assume that he would not) that Dean would choose not to make the deal again. But I'm beyond glad that I won't ever be in that position, and I can't say for sure what my decision would be.

But apart from all that, what a beautiful video you've made yet again!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi and thank you very much for your thoughtful response. I really wanted to put the idea out there that if he knew what was going to happen in the future would he re-think making the deal in the first place. I know the show has never taken us down that route but I feel that sometimes it's something just under the surface.

Thank you again this. :D :D

[maichan.livejournal.com]

This is easily one of my favorites of yours. Despite my being somewhat jaded to Dean character studies, you took the oft-used footage and made it seem fresh, allowing me to connect with it on a deeper emotional level. This was not only beautiful to look at, it was painful in the best possible way. *smishes you*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

*glomps* Thanks so much hun. That means such a lot to me. *huggles big time*

xx

[ash-carpenter.livejournal.com]

Absolutely incredible vid. Loved it.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks Ash! So glad you liked it! :D

[dreamyserenade.livejournal.com]

OMG, sweety, what are you doing? I really have tears in my eyes right now :O *cries*
That's sooo amazing, so emotional, you're expressing Dean's inner conflicts and pain perfectly. I'm so impressed, love you for that, you're awesome!!!

Btw, thanks for sending me the link to your journal in youtube, I downloaded most of your vids and carry them with me in my cellphone, so I can watch them everywhere *hugs*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there! Welcome! :D And thank you so much for your lovely comment! *hugs*

[lovetheguys.livejournal.com]

That is SOME vid! I barely know what to say, so overcome am I by the intensity of my feelings. Just know you have deeply affected me. Thank you!

Love, Robin

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi. Thanks Robin. It's always great to know when a vid has affected someone - it's a lovely compliment. Thank you! :D

[dotfic.livejournal.com]

Ow, that hurt. That was gorgeous. Yes, I'm crying now.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks hun! :D Dean certainly has a way of bringing us to tears..

xx

[ancastar.livejournal.com]

Wow. Just...wow.

::Am speechless::

That just gutted me. You so beautifully captured the pain of Dean's journey and all that Sam means to him (good and bad). I found this terribly moving and the song choice was perfect. Really, really well done.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much sweetie! :D *hugs*

[sophie-448.livejournal.com]

OMG I LOVE THIS VID SFM. Saw it at wincon and CRIED CRIED CRIED. <33333

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh wow! You saw it at wincon ... I was so nervous about how it was going to go. Oh sorry it made you cry though - but happy to know it moved you. If that makes sense!

Thanks so much for dropping by! :D

[gigglemonster.livejournal.com]

Oh sweet fucking baby jesus *SOBS*
You have no idea how long I've been wanting someone to make a Dean vid to this song and you've just blown all my expectations out of the damn water. THIS IS SO PERFECT!
I particularly love the "you are someone else, I am still right here" because that (and this whole song basically) just personified Dean and Dean&Sam in s4. Plus I love the way you interpreted that ending, if Dean would've been strong enough to live without Sam in the first place, maybe they wouldn't be in this mess. IT COMPLETELY BREAKS MY HEART TO THINK OF IT! But the fact that you went there makes the vid just that much more dark and gritty and powerful heartwrenching and gorgeous and a million other things.
So much love for this :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh Dayln! You have no idea how much your comment means to me. Especially going in with expectations.... I am so thrilled that you liked it. *dances*

And yes, the ending. I was a little worried going into that, looking at the notion that knowing all the suffering he and Sam went through after that deal would he have made a different choice? It's fascinates me....

Thank you again SO much.
*hugs*

[quovadimus83.livejournal.com]

wow. no kidding, that is a powerfully tragic thing to watch. great clip selection, wonderful song choice! seeing Dean laid out like that makes me ache. but oh, man.. if you actually used Head Like a Hole for a Sam vid, I think my brain might explode. that might be a little too on the nose/epic for my little old self. can't wait to see more of your work!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi! Thanks so much... Dean's a pretty ache inducing character, that's for sure!

And I know... Head Like a Hole for Sam, would be pretty full on. Not sure yet about that one....

Thanks so much for dropping by and for your lovely comment! :D

[latentfunction.livejournal.com]

Absolutely wonderful. This fits the song really well and ouch, the angst. Lovely job!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your lovely words! :D :D