New Vid! Where My Demons Hide

[ash48]

This is for d0llface_h00ker who bought me for fandomaid ages ago. Thanks so much for your patience and for the terrific song suggestion. <3

Title: Where My Demons Hide
Vidder: ash48
Music by: Demons by Imagine Dragons
Beta: el1ie
Length: 3.06min
Category: Character/theme study
Summary: It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go....

Watch: You Tube
Download: 4Shared || Sendspace
Share: tumblr || Twitter

As it's a heavily lyric driven vid I have included them here:



When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold

When your dreams all fail
And the ones we hail
Are the worst of all
And the blood’s run stale

I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

At the curtain’s call
It's the last of all
When the lights fade out
All the sinners crawl

So they dug your grave
And the masquerade
Will come calling out
At the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
This is my kingdom come

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide

They say it's what you make
I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul
I need to let you go

Your eyes, they shine so bright
I wanna save that light
I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how

When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide




Special thanks to el1ie for the fantastic notes and encouragement. It's been a while since I've made a character vid so it was great to be able to bounce some ideas around with her. Thanks bb! And thanks so secretlytodream for helping me with some audio. <33

Notes:

I was torn between making this simply a recap of Dean's MoC and demon story line or adding a comment. Of course, being me, I found myself wanting to go a little deeper and so there are a few elements in this vid where I've tried to tie in Dean's inner demons as well as his literal demon-ness.

Jensen has said that the demon!Dean story started in the beginning of S9, when Dean made the decision to save Sam by way of angel possession. I found this really interesting and so decided to start the vid at that point. During S9 I seemed to be primarily concerned about what Sam was going through (mainly because the Show didn't show it) and didn't consider the true depths of Dean was going through. Making this vid has helped me understand that better.

The driving focus for me was the line "It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go". The issue of what each are prepared to do to keep the other alive is fascinating to me. I've tried not to judge that (because I think we each come at that argument from different perspectives and experiences), but rather lay it out in order to see that Dean struggles with the choices he makes - it's at least one of his inner demons.

Aaaannyway. If you watch it and have any questions please feel free to ask. :)

Comments

[milly-gal.livejournal.com]

Oh my life, honey I think I wanna marry your brain! Just tell the hubby he can loan you out once a year!

The driving focus for me was the line "It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go". The issue of what each are prepared to do to keep the other alive is fascinating to me. I've tried not to judge that (because I think we each come at that argument from different perspectives and experiences), but rather lay it out in order to see that Dean struggles with the choices he makes - it's at least one of his inner demons.

This came from the discussion about co-dependency, right?

Wonderful work honey, absolutely wonderful!♥

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Haha! Thank you so much hun!!

This came from the discussion about co-dependency, right?

Well, I'm always thinking about this stuff. I think S9 still weighs rather heavily on my mind so it tends to get into everything. But yes! That conversation helped. :))

[sam-dean-lover.livejournal.com]

amazing as always <3. i do love Imagine Dragons and this awesome song

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <33

[borgmama1of5.livejournal.com]

Lovely character analysis!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[el1ie.livejournal.com]

It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go

It's always the fine print with these two, the need, the willingness, and the ability never seem to get aligned. Fantastic lines you've drawn here and you know how much I love it.


♥

[ash48.livejournal.com]

That line seems so very them. It's like, if they could only let go the cycle will stop. But of course they can't which is what makes their relationship so compelling and interesting.

Thank you for all your help and encouragement! <33

[harrigan.livejournal.com]

I started to tear up with Charlie... but when the screen went dark and ended with Sam's words, that's when I lost it. ♥

[ash48.livejournal.com]

I'm glad it has some emotional resonance. I wanted show some of the things/people that get sacrificed when they make choices to save each other, but also to show that their strength is, in many ways, their ability to do that. It's kinda messed up, but they wouldn't be the Winchesters if it wasn't.

Thanks so much for watching. <33

[fanspired]

I can't believe I never noticed until I watched this that Dean was wearing the same shirt at the end that he was wearing in Soul Survivor. I need whipping.

So powerful, and such a well chosen song. A friend dedicated it to one of the episodes of my serial so it's had SPN associations for me for a while now.

Love your work.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

ha! I can't say I noticed that either. Though I remember it being remarked on when the season aired. Strangely I tend to notice what the background looks like before I notice what clothes they are wearing…

It seems like the song could have been written for this show. I was amazed how well the lyrics matched much of what went on over the last season.

Thanks so much for your feedback. <3

[galwithglasses.livejournal.com]

What a great character study. As usual, this vid made me think and it helped me out a lot. I've really struggled with S9-S10 and Dean and where everything has gone since then. This vid puts good perspective on it and helped me look at Dean in terms of his whole life, not just the last 2 seasons. Great song choice and I like that you included when he made his original deal. I know Jensen said S9 and I like how you used that as a starting point to focus on. I think Dean's been on this path for a long time. Your vid has helped me have some empathy and maybe even some sympathy for Dean and in good way is helping me make peace with him and the show. Thank you, thank you so much for that.

The other thing that was good was a reminder that Charlie would have been dead in S9 and it was only because Gadreel brought her back that she was around to find the book and lose her life in S10. She got a shot at going to Oz and having a lot of adventure because she lived that extra bit.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

As usual, this vid made me think and it helped me out a lot.

I am SO glad to hear that. It helped me too. I have struggle so much to understand Dean and feel empathy for him. This helped me understand that, in some ways, he's fated. Like Sam was with the demon blood. I was keen to explore a little of Dean's inability to let Sam go - which I think has been conditioned in him.

I never really appreciated Dean's guilt fully until Jensen mentioned how S9 and 10 were driven by that guilt. I think we saw that with Kevin and Charlie, but not really with Sam. But I think it's always present with Sam, it's just that he doesn't show it (and seems to always keep that from Sam. Or, when he does try to approach Sam about it, Sam stops him).

The other thing that was good was a reminder that Charlie would have been dead in S9

I have to give a shout out to el1ie for that one. In my first version she felt what I had was weak (and it was!) and she mentioned that the "greed" that I had shown in the first verse with Dean punching out Sam could be match with him using Sam/Zeke to keep Charlie alive. I liked that idea and inserted that.

Thanks so much for your wonderful feedback. I'm thrilled it worked for you on those levels.

xx

[big-heart-june.livejournal.com]

Absolutely beautifully done, honey, this song is SUCH a favourite (as is d!Dean) and it fits PERFECTLY ♥ THANK YOU ♥

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you honey! d0llface_h00ker chose a great song for me to use. I knew when I heard it that it would be perfect for d!Dean story. It took so long to make (I think it's been over a year) because I wanted to see how they concluded Dean's story. I'm glad I did because "I can't escape this now, unless you show me how" fits so perfectly for the ending. :)

[fufaraw]

Gutting, in a good way. From your notes, I'd guess making Where My Demons Hide was cathartic for you, I know watching it certainly was for me. Not only that, the vid provides a lens through which to better focus elements of the past two seasons. You not only shine a light on the subject, you give us a clearer view. Needed, in these muddier times.

As always, excellent technical work--couldn't have had better advisors than el1ie and secretlytodream. Triumvirate of vids, there, yeah? Good work. I'm going to be replaying it for days.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

I'd guess making Where My Demons Hide was cathartic for you

It was indeed! I needed to make this, I think, to better understand Dean and his actions over the past 2 seasons. It's been difficult, but it has helped me gain some clarity. I'm so happy to hear it worked in that way for you too.

Thank you!! <3

[greyowl88.livejournal.com]

I don't even know what to say...

For me you really brought back the old feeling of the show with this vid! So gutting and touching. I love you for that!! ♥ xx

[ash48.livejournal.com]

*mops up tears*

Show it so damn gutting! I wonder sometimes how we survive it!!

*hugs* Thanks hun!
xx

[quickreaver.livejournal.com]

*meeeellllltsssss*

Okay, first off, I always think of Sam when I hear this song, but WHOA, it can be shared perfectly with Dean, and DOUBLE WHOA, this was gorgeous, lady!

It built beautifully. The way everything bounced back and forth between them ... see, this is why I watch this damned show. I don't give a flying fuck if the (make-believe) universe crumbles around them. THESE TWO BOYS.

The show begins and ends with them.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey!

I always think of Sam when I hear this song,

Oh do you?! I suppose since I've only associated it with Dean I haven't imagined it for Sam. But I'm thinking those lyrics could work well for him too. The "beast" could be the blood…hmmm…

The show begins and ends with them.

Amen. I know we constantly try to make sense of what they do for each other (well, I do ;D) but ultimately their utter devotion and single-mindedness is so damn compelling. I seriously can't think of any other TV relationship that is shows this. This level of depth, love, devotion and loyalty. Sure, it's crazy but it's also fantasy and now that we're well past S9 I feel I am able to cope with it all much better.

Thank so much for watching and for your lovely comment. <33

[fireheart13.livejournal.com]

Wow....that was fan-fucking-tastic!!!!!!!!!!!!

Utterly gorgeous with rip-your-heart out feels. Your editing is as sharp as a knife.

Just....wow!!!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

*beams* thank you! That's wonderful feedback! So glad you liked it. <33

[becc-j.livejournal.com]

I'm just going to go cry in a corner...this was wonderful and really powerful. <3

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Those boys have a way of ripping out our mere mortal hearts.

Thanks so much for watching and for your lovely comment. <33

[zara-zee.livejournal.com]

Omigosh. What a perfect song for Supernatural. And the scenes you coupled with the lyrics...just perfection. So many lines that spoke to me: "I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you" was definitely Dean when he had Gadreel possess Sam. And of course the line that inspired you, is so the boys, so very what they just can't do. And the refrain of 'where my demons hide' was so beautifully teased out, because Dean does have so many demons -- both literal and figuritive!

Beautiful vid, so very, very moving.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback! I'm so happy to hear the vid worked for you and those moments came across clearly. :D

[frozen_delight]

YouTube has finally let me watch it - but it was well worth the wait: What an absolutely gorgeous vid! Great character study of MoC!Dean.

Thank you so much for sharing this! <3

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much!

(not sure what's going on with YT. I know the vid hasn't been made available on mobile devises. I think because it's been blocked in Germany).

[runedgirl.livejournal.com]

I have longed for an SPN vid to this song from the first second I heard it - but I never dreamt it would be this perfect or that it would be by YOU! I love that this vid brings insight into the characters and their journey - it's so much more than a recap, it makes me think, it makes me feel.

But then, it's you :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks hun! I'm glad it was suggested to me because it really does seem to fit their story so well.

it's so much more than a recap, it makes me think, it makes me feel.

Yay! That's great to hear. <3

[cloex-brosluvr.livejournal.com]

Another amazing video from you!


Don't wanna let you down
But I am hell bound
Though this is all for you
Don't wanna hide the truth

THIS IS OUR BOYS!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you! And yes, those lyrics match so well. For both of them. :)

[jennk528.livejournal.com]

Brilliant. That was just exquisitely beautiful and perfect. You captured the boys dead on. You are so very talented, and thank you for sharing your talent with us.

It's vids like this, and other stuff in our fandom, that makes me realize all over again why I love this show so much and stick with it after all this time even when it drives me crazy. :) Thanks for reaffirming that!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Wow, thank you for your wonderful feedback. <33

And I have to say that it's making vids that reminds me of what I love about the show. :)

Thanks!

[hugemind.livejournal.com]

That song fits the boys so well and your vid is totally kick-ass! \o/\o/

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you hun! :)

[tyrsibs.livejournal.com]

I actually added this song to my own SPN playlist last year; when I heard it I immediately thought of Dean and Sam. This vid is so well done! I love how you brought in the original deal, Gadreel and Kevin--and Sam's voice over the black, such a beautiful choice. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi! Thank you so much for your lovely feedback. I have to give a shout out to el1ie for the voice over at the end. She suggested ! do that as the music ends so quickly. I chose Sam saying that because I wanted something at the end that confirmed that Dean is a good person - even though he thinks he isn't.

Thanks for dropping by. :))

[madebyme-x.livejournal.com]

This is all kinds of wonderful! It's such a powerful and hard-hitting vid.

You've highlighted all the wonderfully terrible and deliciously unhealthy things that I adore about these brothers, and their oh-so-complicated relationship and the lengths they'll got for each other.

The whole vid was crammed with emotion, but the ending, with Sam's speech is what broke me, and gave me a lump in my throat and a tear to my eye. The song was perfect too!

Thank you for sharing :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for your lovely feedback! I'm so thrilled to hear you thought it was hard hitting. The show is so full of emotion, I was really hoping to capture some of that.

Thanks for watching and commenting. <3

[jj1564.livejournal.com]

I love this vid so much, you always chose the right song to perfecly match the feel of the show and the boys. I love the way you had Sam giving Dean the photos to the lines
"I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how"

Perfect and of course it made me cry!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! <3

I can't take credit for the song choice (d0llface_h00ker is responsible for that *g*), but I'm glad it was given to me because I think it works so well for the boys.

"I can't escape this now
Unless you show me how"

Perfect and of course it made me cry!

I can't believe how well those lines matched the finale!

Thanks so much for watching and commenting! <3

[duffy-99.livejournal.com]

Oh my, this is just amazing! Thank you so much for this. It hurts so good. *toddles off to watch it again*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :)
xx

[gidgetgal9.livejournal.com]

Other comments have said what I feel so I will just say -perfection!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <33

[khek.livejournal.com]

Beautiful! :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you! <3