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ash48I've mostly written this for me. I needed to do this as a way of trying to understand why I feel sympathy for Sam (at the moment and usually) when it seems much of fandom doesn't. It's puzzled me because even though I know we each see the show with certain goggles on I've struggled to understand how a few lines of dialogue seems to have removed all sympathy for Sam in S9. Even from Sam!girls.
I contemplated what's gone before and started to see a pattern.
I became aware of fandom around about the time of Asylum (1.10). One of the first things I read was a post defending Sam against the hate he received (yep! it started way back then) because of the way he turned on Dean ("you're pathetic", "good little soldier" etc.). At the time it puzzled me because I was thinking about how Sam must have felt to be made to say those things to his brother, but the reaction was focused on how Dean was hurt by what Sam had said. Sam attacked Dean and his place in the family and therefore crossed a line. Sam's experience of being attacked by a supernatural being was quickly forgotten as the focus became on what he said to Dean.
Out of all the things that can hurt Dean, it's Sam that seems to hurt him the most. Either from his actions (any time he leaves Dean for any reason - including death) or by his words. Sure, Dean is hurt by words from his father, the consequence of some of his actions, his constant plague of doubt and self worth, but the deepest hurt seems to have Sam at the heart of it (Death being the most notable, but also any time he's left Dean or said something that hits close to home).
That's not to say that on the flip side most of Dean's joy is from Sam. Dean is content with simple pleasures in life - his car, pie, a good hunt, friends and Sam. Sam can make him smile, be bursting with pride and fulfil much of his feelings of being needed. Dean wants to be a good big brother to Sam. Much of Dean's self worth is wrapped up in Sam's well being. Dean would do, and has done, anything to make sure Sam is around.
So it's no wonder that when we see Dean hurt by Sam we tend to feel sympathy for Dean. He's the one trying to be the best big brother. He's the one who sacrificed his life for his little brother. He's the one who wants to protect him and look after him.
And all Dean really wants in return is a little brother who looks up to him (the very thing the siren from Sex and Violence knew was a deep desire of Dean's) - it doesn't seem like a lot to ask.
But we can't look past the fact that Dean is also the one who hurts Sam the most.
For some reason Dean hurting Sam seems to be ok because Dean does it with good intentions. Dean makes Monumental Statements of Love (MSoL) by doing things like selling his soul so his brother can live, calling on Death to return Sam's soul and, most recently, bringing Sam back from the brink of death with a healing angel. Dean does everything we love and want to see from this relationship - major sacrifices for love.
Sam hasn't been given one of those Monumental Statements of Love (yet). Sure, he's had lots (and lots!) of little ones but never that BIG one that this brotherhood seems to be measured on. And this, I think, is at the heart of why Sam is often vilified. He hasn't proved that he loves Dean as much as Dean loves him. He hasn't made that monumental sacrifice to save Dean.
Dean ends up hurting Sam through actions that are the result of a love (and need) so strong that death won't stand in the way. Sam ends up hurting Dean because he reacts or has been affected by Dean's action. Dean does it for love and brotherhood and family and therefore it's deemed to be ok. Sam does it as a result of being physically or emotionally hurt and therefore it's not ok. Dean does it for all the right reasons - family. Sam does it for the wrong reasons - himself. It's therefore seen as selfish and whiny and ungrateful. Standing up for yourself or voicing an opinion is ok, as long as it's not against the person who has made a huge sacrifice for you.
Also, we rarely get to see into Sam's inner thoughts. It's often been observed that the show is seen through Dean's eyes and I think this is true. We see why Dean is hurt, we mostly have to guess why Sam is. It's most definitely a story of two brothers, but it's often about something that's happening to Sam (dead Sam, soulless!Sam, blood addicted Sam, trials!Sam etc) that Dean has to react to (grief - sell his soul, desperation - make a deal with Death, despair - kill Ruby and rescue Sam, angst and grief - heal Sam by possession).
What happens to Sam after Dean's MSoL usually happens over a long period of time. By the time Sam has suffered and then reacted we are no longer focussed on what Sam has been through, but rather that he's said something that shows that he doesn't appreciate what Dean has done.
If we look at what's happened to Sam as a result of Dean returning him from the dead in S2 we can see what Sam has had to endure. He lived a year knowing is brother was going to die, followed by 4 months of grief after the loss of Dean, he then lived another year addicted to demon blood (and subsequent withdrawals when he was recovering), he lived another year trying to redeem himself after releasing Lucifer (and losing Dean's trust), he lived 6 months without soul, then had to make peace with what he did when soulless. He then suffered with memories of his time in the cage and hallucinations of Lucifer.
But none of this really matters because it doesn't measure up to the MSoL. We acknowledge what Dean did to save Sam, not what Sam suffered as a result of it. We acknowledge it because we love it. It demonstrates the lengths Dean will go to for Sam. We reveal in the awesome brotherhood bond. We see this as the heart of the show. We love that Dean needs to have Sam around - it's heartwarming and much of what the show has been based on for a long time. The problem is because this very thing is the "heart of the show" anything Sam does outside of that pales to insignificance. His suffering doesn't matter because he's alive. His angst doesn't matter because by being alive the brotherhood continues and because it's the reason we watch there's nothing Sam can say or do that can be more important than that. You were used? Too bad - you're alive, be thankful. You want to make your own choices? Stop whining, you're alive, the brotherhood lives so shut up.
Season 9 is no exception. Sam has suffered this season and the only thing that seems to be remembered is that Dean saved Sam from dying. Dean mentions family and we are reminded that this is what this show is all about. Our hearts melt and nothing Sam does matches up to that. In fact, when Sam says something against what's at the heart of the show he loses all sympathy and everything he has been through is forgotten.
Forget that he was prepared to die to close the gates of hell, forget that he made peace with death so others wouldn't be hurt if he lived, forget that his brother didn't trust him with the truth for fear he'd make the "wrong" decision, forget that his mind and body were violated (something he has suffered before), forget that his body was used to kill Kevin, forget that he'd be despairing from learning this knowledge.
Sam questioned their brotherhood. He questioned Dean. He questioned the heart of the show. He questioned everything we hold dear about the show. He's therefore easy to blame when looking for someone to take our frustrations out on. The brotherhood is broken. Sam says it's broken. Therefore it's his fault. What's that about not shooting the messenger?
Even those who agree that Sam has a right to be mad at Dean's deception, can't accept that Sam questioned their brotherhood. That's crossing the line. Dean can cross a line by allowing a non con possession, but Sam can't cross a line by being mad about it OR by acknowledging that there's something broken in their relationship. It's too much for Dean to bear and it would seem that fandom has trouble coping with it also.
And I'm not arguing about this because I would want anything less than a show that's about a strong brotherhood bond. I watch the show for this. I love the show for this. I watch for the bromance and desperate love between these messed up brothers. But the show is coming into its 10th year (amazing!! \o/). How much longer can we watch Sam suffer for Dean's MSoL? I know many will say FOREVER! BRING IT!! And that would have been me once, but now that the show is highlighting this cycle of hurt through sacrifice I want to see how it will ultimately be addressed. I want to see it acknowledged that both brothers have played a part in why their brotherhood is broken and I want to see them both play a part in fixing it (and as much as I know this won't happen, I'd love fandom to be able to see both sides of this current conflict).
Of course, I'm not saying everyone feels this. I know many can see Sam's journey and sympathise with it - even when he lashes out at Dean. I know Show makes it a lot harder to sympathise with Sam, especially when giving him such damaging dialogue (Sharp Teeth, The Purge), or showing how much he hurt Dean when growing up (DSotM), to telling Dean he doesn't want things the way they used to be (Shadow) and having him leaving Dean when he's upset (Hunted, The Girl Next Door), or acting cold and uncaring (soulless!Sam).
But Sam's motivations aren't simply to hurt Dean for the sake of it. He doesn't do it to be spiteful or deliberately "mean", or because he has attitude, or is whiney or selfish. He always has reasons (they're just a bit harder to see sometimes).
For me, Sam doesn't need to prove his love for Dean. It's constantly on the screen. Much of what he does and says is all part of the drama and forms part of the overall picture that is the Winchester relationship. Which, to me, is (and always will be) the heart of this show (even when they are in conflict).
I contemplated what's gone before and started to see a pattern.
I became aware of fandom around about the time of Asylum (1.10). One of the first things I read was a post defending Sam against the hate he received (yep! it started way back then) because of the way he turned on Dean ("you're pathetic", "good little soldier" etc.). At the time it puzzled me because I was thinking about how Sam must have felt to be made to say those things to his brother, but the reaction was focused on how Dean was hurt by what Sam had said. Sam attacked Dean and his place in the family and therefore crossed a line. Sam's experience of being attacked by a supernatural being was quickly forgotten as the focus became on what he said to Dean.
Out of all the things that can hurt Dean, it's Sam that seems to hurt him the most. Either from his actions (any time he leaves Dean for any reason - including death) or by his words. Sure, Dean is hurt by words from his father, the consequence of some of his actions, his constant plague of doubt and self worth, but the deepest hurt seems to have Sam at the heart of it (Death being the most notable, but also any time he's left Dean or said something that hits close to home).
That's not to say that on the flip side most of Dean's joy is from Sam. Dean is content with simple pleasures in life - his car, pie, a good hunt, friends and Sam. Sam can make him smile, be bursting with pride and fulfil much of his feelings of being needed. Dean wants to be a good big brother to Sam. Much of Dean's self worth is wrapped up in Sam's well being. Dean would do, and has done, anything to make sure Sam is around.
So it's no wonder that when we see Dean hurt by Sam we tend to feel sympathy for Dean. He's the one trying to be the best big brother. He's the one who sacrificed his life for his little brother. He's the one who wants to protect him and look after him.
And all Dean really wants in return is a little brother who looks up to him (the very thing the siren from Sex and Violence knew was a deep desire of Dean's) - it doesn't seem like a lot to ask.
But we can't look past the fact that Dean is also the one who hurts Sam the most.
For some reason Dean hurting Sam seems to be ok because Dean does it with good intentions. Dean makes Monumental Statements of Love (MSoL) by doing things like selling his soul so his brother can live, calling on Death to return Sam's soul and, most recently, bringing Sam back from the brink of death with a healing angel. Dean does everything we love and want to see from this relationship - major sacrifices for love.
Sam hasn't been given one of those Monumental Statements of Love (yet). Sure, he's had lots (and lots!) of little ones but never that BIG one that this brotherhood seems to be measured on. And this, I think, is at the heart of why Sam is often vilified. He hasn't proved that he loves Dean as much as Dean loves him. He hasn't made that monumental sacrifice to save Dean.
Dean ends up hurting Sam through actions that are the result of a love (and need) so strong that death won't stand in the way. Sam ends up hurting Dean because he reacts or has been affected by Dean's action. Dean does it for love and brotherhood and family and therefore it's deemed to be ok. Sam does it as a result of being physically or emotionally hurt and therefore it's not ok. Dean does it for all the right reasons - family. Sam does it for the wrong reasons - himself. It's therefore seen as selfish and whiny and ungrateful. Standing up for yourself or voicing an opinion is ok, as long as it's not against the person who has made a huge sacrifice for you.
Also, we rarely get to see into Sam's inner thoughts. It's often been observed that the show is seen through Dean's eyes and I think this is true. We see why Dean is hurt, we mostly have to guess why Sam is. It's most definitely a story of two brothers, but it's often about something that's happening to Sam (dead Sam, soulless!Sam, blood addicted Sam, trials!Sam etc) that Dean has to react to (grief - sell his soul, desperation - make a deal with Death, despair - kill Ruby and rescue Sam, angst and grief - heal Sam by possession).
What happens to Sam after Dean's MSoL usually happens over a long period of time. By the time Sam has suffered and then reacted we are no longer focussed on what Sam has been through, but rather that he's said something that shows that he doesn't appreciate what Dean has done.
If we look at what's happened to Sam as a result of Dean returning him from the dead in S2 we can see what Sam has had to endure. He lived a year knowing is brother was going to die, followed by 4 months of grief after the loss of Dean, he then lived another year addicted to demon blood (and subsequent withdrawals when he was recovering), he lived another year trying to redeem himself after releasing Lucifer (and losing Dean's trust), he lived 6 months without soul, then had to make peace with what he did when soulless. He then suffered with memories of his time in the cage and hallucinations of Lucifer.
But none of this really matters because it doesn't measure up to the MSoL. We acknowledge what Dean did to save Sam, not what Sam suffered as a result of it. We acknowledge it because we love it. It demonstrates the lengths Dean will go to for Sam. We reveal in the awesome brotherhood bond. We see this as the heart of the show. We love that Dean needs to have Sam around - it's heartwarming and much of what the show has been based on for a long time. The problem is because this very thing is the "heart of the show" anything Sam does outside of that pales to insignificance. His suffering doesn't matter because he's alive. His angst doesn't matter because by being alive the brotherhood continues and because it's the reason we watch there's nothing Sam can say or do that can be more important than that. You were used? Too bad - you're alive, be thankful. You want to make your own choices? Stop whining, you're alive, the brotherhood lives so shut up.
Season 9 is no exception. Sam has suffered this season and the only thing that seems to be remembered is that Dean saved Sam from dying. Dean mentions family and we are reminded that this is what this show is all about. Our hearts melt and nothing Sam does matches up to that. In fact, when Sam says something against what's at the heart of the show he loses all sympathy and everything he has been through is forgotten.
Forget that he was prepared to die to close the gates of hell, forget that he made peace with death so others wouldn't be hurt if he lived, forget that his brother didn't trust him with the truth for fear he'd make the "wrong" decision, forget that his mind and body were violated (something he has suffered before), forget that his body was used to kill Kevin, forget that he'd be despairing from learning this knowledge.
Sam questioned their brotherhood. He questioned Dean. He questioned the heart of the show. He questioned everything we hold dear about the show. He's therefore easy to blame when looking for someone to take our frustrations out on. The brotherhood is broken. Sam says it's broken. Therefore it's his fault. What's that about not shooting the messenger?
Even those who agree that Sam has a right to be mad at Dean's deception, can't accept that Sam questioned their brotherhood. That's crossing the line. Dean can cross a line by allowing a non con possession, but Sam can't cross a line by being mad about it OR by acknowledging that there's something broken in their relationship. It's too much for Dean to bear and it would seem that fandom has trouble coping with it also.
And I'm not arguing about this because I would want anything less than a show that's about a strong brotherhood bond. I watch the show for this. I love the show for this. I watch for the bromance and desperate love between these messed up brothers. But the show is coming into its 10th year (amazing!! \o/). How much longer can we watch Sam suffer for Dean's MSoL? I know many will say FOREVER! BRING IT!! And that would have been me once, but now that the show is highlighting this cycle of hurt through sacrifice I want to see how it will ultimately be addressed. I want to see it acknowledged that both brothers have played a part in why their brotherhood is broken and I want to see them both play a part in fixing it (and as much as I know this won't happen, I'd love fandom to be able to see both sides of this current conflict).
Of course, I'm not saying everyone feels this. I know many can see Sam's journey and sympathise with it - even when he lashes out at Dean. I know Show makes it a lot harder to sympathise with Sam, especially when giving him such damaging dialogue (Sharp Teeth, The Purge), or showing how much he hurt Dean when growing up (DSotM), to telling Dean he doesn't want things the way they used to be (Shadow) and having him leaving Dean when he's upset (Hunted, The Girl Next Door), or acting cold and uncaring (soulless!Sam).
But Sam's motivations aren't simply to hurt Dean for the sake of it. He doesn't do it to be spiteful or deliberately "mean", or because he has attitude, or is whiney or selfish. He always has reasons (they're just a bit harder to see sometimes).
For me, Sam doesn't need to prove his love for Dean. It's constantly on the screen. Much of what he does and says is all part of the drama and forms part of the overall picture that is the Winchester relationship. Which, to me, is (and always will be) the heart of this show (even when they are in conflict).
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no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 01:51 pm (UTC)I've been surprised by some of my friend's reactions to Sam - as you say, even Sam!girls who've been disturbed by his recent dialogues with Dean (and seemingly the trailer for tonight hasn't helped at all though I haven't seen it...). But I think you are right, the show isn't giving us enough of Sam's POV for people to empathise with him in the way that we perhaps should be.
After all, in any of Dean's MSoLs, did Sam want or ask for the sacrifice? No. And we know how Dean felt, how torn apart he was when their Dad MSoL'd for his sake way back in Season 1/2. The aftermath of John's sacrifice was devastating for Dean. Why shouldn't Sam be equally devastated? And of course, he was - but the show skated over that part to move the main narrative forward and like you say, people forget.
To be at the receiving end of a love like that is very scary.
I love Dean enormously, but it doesn't mean I can't see that sometimes he IS selfish, he acts out of the fear of being left alone and bereft of the only thing that gives his life meaning - but the pressure of that on Sam is enormous. So I can also understand that, given the choice, Sam might actually feel relief at letting go - and that is not taking into account the pressures of having to save the world over and over on top of the personal stuff.
And both boys are hugely damaged in different ways - 40 years in Hell, or 200 years inside a cage with the Devil and his brother - its' got to take its toll. Dean has managed to hold onto his integrity better than Sam because Sam is the one whose agency has been removed more often.
So yeah, Dean is the heart of the show, but let's not forget before we slam into Sam - Sam is the heart of Dean.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 02:04 pm (UTC)I think this is a major problem. Sam's not the heart of Dean. Sam isn't a part of Dean. Sam is Sam. The fact that both the show and Dean have sometimes treated Sam as though he were an element in Dean's emotional economy rather than a fully human entity is part of the horror story to me. (Of course, the siege on Sam's selfhood has come from a lot of other directions -- it's hardly something that's all Dean's fault, and Dean's share in it has in turn been shaped by Dean's issues and damage.) I find that story both moving and terrifying, but I have to say I find some of the reactions of fandom to that story, especially this season, simply terrifying. I've been seriously questioning whether this is a community I want to be a part of, and in fact I've semi-withdrawn.
So I think that "Sam is the heart of Dean" does represent a certain psychological reality. It's something that Sam is fighting for his life against, and I know I'm not the only person who is finding that cathartic and inspiring, despite some very loud contrary voices. But that's not the reason to love or empathize with Sam, or to treat the issues he narratively represents seriously or with respect. When we start treating Sam as though his value lies in whatever value Dean, with his own issues and needs, places on him, we're echoing a mistake that has almost destroyed Sam and the relationship, a mistake we've seen frighteningly illustrated this season. Let Sam be the heart of Sam. Dean needs to figure out how to stop using his brother as a supplementary organ before it kills both of them.
/overwrought allegory
no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 02:22 pm (UTC)Now whether that is a healthy, good place for either of them to be is another matter altogether. That was why I was saying that sort of pressure being put on anyone is horrendous.
So from Sam's POV, not only is he responsible for his own actions (even when they weren't actually taken by him but by another agency - soulless, possessed, whatever) but he is also responsible for Dean's wellbeing - it's a huge burden and has to be seen by Sam on occasions as much of a prison as the Cage must have been.
Not sure I'm expressing this very well! But basically, I'm agreeing with you!
no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 02:34 pm (UTC)And gosh I hope this is what this has all been about (the fact that I do might be why I'm still enjoying it so much).
xx
no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 03:22 pm (UTC)Overwrought or no, this pinpoints your theme perfectly. And I feel you, about how terrifying some of fandom's blindness and lack on empathy can be.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 03:31 pm (UTC)But I was thinking about it the other day, and I think it's also that that kind of emotional disinvestment in goals and activities that goes with depression, and that we've seen at some points in both Sam and Dean, also gets perceived as a character being against the heart of the show, whatever the show is. Part of us wants to identify with the characters we enjoy watching by having them enjoy, or at least engage passionately with, what we are watching them doing. People will love characters who are really horribly unlovable human beings (Kerr Avon from Blake's 7 is my favorite example at this) if they they seem to have a kind of zest and commitment to the stuff that makes the fiction they are a part of fun. People will often dislike even good characters who seem to be dragging their feet about being the characters they are, as it were.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 03:51 pm (UTC)You hit the nail on the head here, I think. I think it's especially prevalent in viewers of what is basically an action show -- people go into it expecting to be entertained. It's similar to how a lot of people I know were bored with human!Cas' storyline, and were cheering when he got his grace back and starting smiting people again, even if it was by dubious means.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 03:48 pm (UTC)this. This. This is me 100%!
no subject
Date: 2014-02-26 05:25 pm (UTC)I find it disturbing that codependency, the unhealthy aspect of Dean's relationship with Sam is romanticised and celebrated. What should be celebrated is Sam's attempt and right to be his own person, to be Dean's brother, instead of the project that John shoved at him.
It is so sad to see Sam fight for independence and equality, only to have it ruined over and over.
I do not blame Dean. The way he was brought up and the early responsibility conditioned him to behave like he does, so incredibly afraid to lose or fail, afraid that he has no value unless he sacrifices himself, no matter the costs, over and over.
The show stating "it's about the brothers" is fine by me, providing they actually let Sam and Dean *be* brothers, and not one being the parent who overrules all attempts on rebellion against him, the other a child, not allowed his own free will. Sort of takes the free out of Team Free Will.
Fandom should celebrate Sam's insistence, not be against it. Fandom and the show's writers need to acknowledge Sam's right to be his own person, not hate on it.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-27 02:49 pm (UTC)That's one of the things I have been so puzzled about it. I know we can feel for Dean, but to actually hate on Sam for actually speaking up saddens me so much. I just hope the show is going in the direction that allows Sam to not only have a voice, but that Dean acknowledges that he has a right to have one.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-27 04:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 02:23 pm (UTC)I always think back to "what's dead should stay dead" and it amazes me that it's never reflected upon (by either Sam or Dean). In some ways it's why I'm liking this direction - I'm hoping it will somehow come back to how Dean felt about John's MSoL and how he once though about the dead staying dead. Not that he'd ever change what he did for Sam, but that he can see his own hypocrisy.
So yeah, Dean is the heart of the show,
Hee..well, I've seen that written elsewhere but for me the heart of the show is the whole relationship. I don't see one brother or the other being the heart of the show (ooh, I hope that didn't come across in the meta), but rather the brotherhood.
I agree though that Dean sees Sam as his heart and I think that's the very thing that the show exploring at the moment. How to be the heart for someone else when you want them to be their own heart. Oh man, I can't state that correctly. Sam has said to Dean on a number of occasions you need to take care of yourself - almost saying "love yourself as much as you do me". I'd love to see that notion being explored - that Dean can find his centre that's not Sam. And so Sam can be free of that - but in a positive way. The love still be there, but not to the point where Sam is sacrificed for it. Ack! Hope that makes sense.
xx
no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-25 03:33 pm (UTC)What do you think is keeping Sam there, besides Jared's contract? I mean, I think even thought Sam rebels against Dean's protector persona, he's always used to it and uses it to his advantage emotionally when he needs to. But taking that part out of the equation, what does Sam get out of staying with Dean? This is the conundrum in my brain lol.
no subject
Date: 2014-02-26 02:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-02-26 09:57 am (UTC)Aside from the fact that they are the two leads I can only guess that Sam feels that they make a good hunting team. Assuming he's (once and for all!) decided that this is the life he has and is going to stick with it then he knows that the best person he can fight with is Dean. I think history plays a part also - it's like they are magnets and just can't separate. They've just been through far too much to call it quits. As much as Sam says the brotherhood is broken I don't think it really is (in Sam's mind). I think family does matter to Sam and as much as he's mighty pissed with Dean I think he cares very much and wouldn't want Dean to hunt alone. Of course, we don't see any of that so it's just what I'd be telling myself if I was Jared and had to find my inner "motivation". (there's also the hope of sex….)