curled around these images

The reason I love discussing the show is that it helps me get to grips with something I might have missed or not understood.

One thing that has been a kind of revelation to me is a new view on why Sam didn't tell Dean he was dying. I realise I could be way off base here, but at the moment it's actually getting me excited again. And yes, I KNOW it could all get chucked out next episode but even if it does, I think this will be my head canon on this.

( perhaps S9 is still in play after all )

It's so wonderful to feel the desire to analyse an episode again. This episode (and the previous one) finally gave me something to really chew over. I'm going to try and put my thoughts into words and explain why I feel I can, once again, embrace my wonderfully messed up show.

( I have been waiting for this episode since The Purge. )

As there is no episode this week I thought I'd post some thinky of one of my all time favourite TV characters - Dean Winchester.

I was replying to a comment on my last reaction post and I typed (about Dean) "He was once a hero to me, I just don't see that Dean any more. Sadly".

It really made me stop and consider what that actually meant. How could Dean not be a hero to me anymore? He's always held that place in my heart. My LJ profile has forever stated "I'm a Sam!girl, but not without my hero Dean".

What changed? When did I stop seeing a hero? I decided to write this down to make some sense of it.

This isn't about Dean "bashing" (seriously? How could I ever "bash" a character who has been dear to my heart since the show began?). This isn't about loving one brother over the other, or thinking one is in any way better than the other. At all!

This is actually about trying to piece together Dean's journey and find out when he went from being my hero to someone I don't recognise that quality in any more.

Before I start I will say that I fully understand that Dean's heroism isn't why everybody loves Dean. We all have different aspects of a character that we love. For me, his heroism is an aspect of his character that I have always loved and admired and the thing that I find I am really missing now.

( I Need a Hero: Missing Dean Winchester. )

I've mostly written this for me. I needed to do this as a way of trying to understand why I feel sympathy for Sam (at the moment and usually) when it seems much of fandom doesn't. It's puzzled me because even though I know we each see the show with certain goggles on I've struggled to understand how a few lines of dialogue seems to have removed all sympathy for Sam in S9. Even from Sam!girls.

I contemplated what's gone before and started to see a pattern.

( Sam Winchester vs The Heart of the Show )

After posting Sam's Parting Shots recently, cordelia_gray requested one for Dean. I had been pondering doing one for Dean and that was just the push I needed. :)

( Parting Shots - Part 2 )