Thinky thoughts 6.06 and beyond...

[ash48]

I wasn't going to blab any more about the Show but this has been GNAWING at me and I figure that's what I have a journal for. I've only rewritten this about 12 times /o\. I'm finding it hard to make sense of what my brain and heart are doing.

Since seeing the 6.07 promo my thoughts have been topsy turvy. I squee'd to the roof tops after the 6.06 but now my brain is tied up in knots. Here's why.

(Spoilers for 6.07 promo...)



The confirmation that Sam is without a soul shouldn't have come as a surprise. And really it didn't. But, it's changed my way of thinking about things and I am no longer feeling quite as hopeful about the things to come.

That's not to say I'm not looking forward to episodes ahead. I'm just worried that I will keep having to adjust my thinking in order to keep finding the positive.

I've discovered that little seems to deter me from trying to find hints that we are going to see a better future for the boys. One where they will be brothers again, trust each other, rely on each other, be heroes instead of pawns, catch a break or even win the day.

I thought we were starting down that road in the last episode. But seeing what's to come I now know that we are (hee, of course) in for a shite load more angst and quite possibly a widening chasm between the boys.

*sigh*

I've been holding on to the possibility that Sam was something "Other". Totally not Sam. At all. (*g* if you saw my previous rant post you'll know what I mean). I figured it was his body without a soul but I thought maybe something else had got in. Not as a possession or as a shape-shifter but some "new". Something we may not have seen before. Something that may have started using soulless Sam for a purpose of its own. (The down side to this belief is that this would mean we haven't been seeing Sam at all this season. Which is an idea I don't really like at all).

There's been so many hints that this "thing" that has been masquerading as Sam is on some sort of mission. The deliberate lying and deflection for one. The hunt for Alphas as another. The lying became obvious and indeed the focus in the last episode. Lying is self preservation. It doesn't want to get caught out. Unfortunately, it would mean that Sam is once again a victim (but when aren't they?! *sigh*), but it gave me hope for a quick resolution.

By having Dean discover that he's been riding around with something other than Sam was exciting because he was (finally!) a step closer to ridding us of this new monster and much closer to finding Sam. Which means we still have plenty of time to have "real" Sam back and get on with his side of the story.

But alas It's seems Sam without a soul IS his story and that saddens me quite a bit.

Because this is not JUST Sam without a soul. It is Sam on a mission that doesn't (at the moment at least) look like it's for any sort of good. Maybe even evil. (?) (Whereas S4 Sam was heading down the wrong path but for a perceived and honorable good).

If Sam had simply returned "empty" then there was probably no reason for him to not tell Dean he was back. Or use Dean as bait as he's done. Or lie. Continually. Does not having a soul mean you feel nothing? Make you evil? Make you lie? Be deceptive? Turn you into a human "monster"?

And this is where I'm torn. The prospect of Show exploring the notion of soul is pretty interesting. It will no doubt create a lot of discussion and debate and that in itself will be a lot of fun. But. Will watching the show continue to be the angst driven ride that, quite honestly, is wearing very thin. For me anyway.

Because, we are indeed in for an angst fest.

Where's Sam soul? In hell? In heaven? In limbo? No matter where it is at some stage it will be returned (I do have faith that Sammy will be brought back to us at some point PLEASE!!!) and then we will have the fallout with Sam feeling guilty (again). I doubt Sam will come back happy about what he's done without a soul. (I absolutely maintain that Sam would not have left Dean thinking he was rotting in hell for a year, nor would he have let him be turned into a vamp if he was "normal").

Sam will no doubt feel guilty because he's made those decisions, soul or not.

Unless of course we are in for a completely changed Sam. Which yeah, could well be possible *SIGH*

And Dean. Once AGAIN not being able to trust the "Sam" he's riding around with. *HUGE SIGH*

And AGAIN being hurt by Sam *EVEN BIGGER SIGH* On the top of my wish list this season was they would stop making Sam hurt Dean. But holy hell. Could they have made it any worse?! I thought the boys had reached the depth of their divide in Season 4, but this. They are not even in the same room together. :((

And I know we may be able to witness their love and devotion to each other by watching the pain Dean will no doubt be experiencing by having this empty (dare I say) evil!Sam, but... *sigh*... that will be such hard viewing. I think Lisa's words to Dean were spot on. Theirs is not a healthy relationship. (Whhaaaaaaaaa. I WANT it to be!! At least something close to "we keep each other human" sentiment.)

I figure it'll take a while to find Sam's soul and in the meantime we have to live without Sammy sharing his life with Dean.

*sadface* I tune in to see them together. Working the cases, fighting the badies, having their road side chats.

Of course. I could be wrong and really I should wait until Friday to make judgment calls. It just seems logical to me that they will now have a few episodes searching for Sam's soul. Dean will know that essentially this is Sam but will not be able to trust him. Sam will still be on some sort of mission and therefore keep being deceitful. (sound familiar?)

And when they find his soul what sort of condition will it be in? Will Sam be back looking for redemption? Again. Or will his soul be tarnished, half way to becoming "demon"? (I did briefly entertain the idea that Dean will have to re-teach Sam what it is to have a soul. Could a soul be reborn? But I very much doubt that's on the cards.)

Or maybe I'm just being pessimistic. (Hee, probably a realist knowing the Show!)



I do love my show. I just wish it wouldn't hurt my brain and heart quite so much.

Comments

[luminosity]

I know it's dangerous to compare any show to Buffy (show of my heart), but SPN comes so very close, and here's why: Buffy *killed* me. The end of S5 killed me, and then when she came back WRONG (like Sam) and headed on this path of black depression and self destruction, I could barely stand to watch it because I was so emotionally invested. And then! S7OMG. It was unbearable. Utterly. I remember watching it feverishly, wondering if I could take anymore, and then there was that moment near the end when Buffy, fully realized, fully a hero, dropped down with her weapon in hand and made quick work of ... damn near everything, and told Spike she loved him and saved the world and stood outside that schoolbus with her most beloveds and ... and... and then she smiled. IT WAS WORTH EVERY MOMENT.

And my hope and expectation is exactly that for Supernatural and the Brothers Winchester.

Don't mock me! :)

[debbiel66.livejournal.com]

I was actually thinking the same thing - there are so many similarities in the paths that both shows have taken. And I agree - that moment was totally worth it!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Yay!

You know, it SO weird. One of my numerous edits of this had a sentence "I wonder if Buffy fans experienced the same angst as we are". Hee! And here you are answering that. (you are freaking me out with your mind reading powers... *g*)

My friend sharvie, mentioned that BtVS also explored the notion of "soul" and was quite interested that SPN was heading down this path. I've never watched Buffy but I know it had/has a devoted following and wondered if fans had experienced the same level of angst.

I feel better now, reading this. I need to just settle back and enjoy the ride and know that one day we will be rewarded with that smile. From both of them.

*hugs*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh honey!!! This is exactly how I have been feeling! Holding on because I keep thinking it will get better and then flailing because I just know it won't for a while to come! ARGHHH...

*breathes* with you.

Thanks honey. Damn Kripke for making such an angst ridden additive show!!
<33

[debbiel66.livejournal.com]

You know, I totally do get where you're coming from, and I agree. But one thing that is making me very happy is that right now, Show is totally focused on the brothers... and yeah, having Dean laser-focused on Sam works for me. I think they could end up doing so many interesting things with this, although I have to say, I have no idea how they'll make it work.

One thing I love about this show is that it takes almost breathtaking chances. I can honestly say that it is rarely, if ever, boring. I don't know if there are any other shows that could claim the same thing.

So... hugs! We'll get through this. And I know you're not watching promos or clips, but I have probably watched the released clip a dozen times, I love it that much. So hang in there. :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

THANKS!!! You are so right and I do keep trying to remember what you said last time "Relax and enjoy the ride"

(I so need an icon for that... I think I might have to make some puppy eyes at my flist. That will be my new mantra. \o/)

But one thing that is making me very happy is that right now, Show is totally focused on the brothers...

Yes. And this is why I am torn. It's all about them now and I love that. But it's about them being so at odds with each other and as much as I should be used to that it still HURTS!

Thanks babe. You have totally cheered me up. :D :D

[cece-away.livejournal.com]

But that's the whole point. They do keep each other human. It's actually a beautiful arc. From the beginning Sam didn't want to be a hunter, and that evolved into his biggest fear of becoming a monster. NOW he is a monster (technically, the thing he never wanted to become), but Dean is there and will ultimately "keep him human". He's already been doing that little by little with Sam's telling words on the first episode "It's just better with you around" and even in this last one as Sam confessed that knowing Ben could get hurt should have stopped him.

Don't worry, he'll be Sam again . . . but not for a while. Just keep your hands in the vehicle at all times and have fun.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

They do keep each other human. It's actually a beautiful arc.

Oh yes. Even as I was typing that I thought that's probably exactly what this is going to be about. Even more than before. Dean will be instrumental in keeping Sam human no doubt. I suppose I would like to see Sam give something back. I'm not sure the last time Sam helped Dean keep on track. (Maybe S2, after John's death). I'm a huge fan of Dean looking out for Sam, so that should make me happy. I just really don't want to see Sam continue to hurt and betray Dean.

Hee! I will most defintely keep my hands on the vehicle and (try!) to have fun.

[cece-away.livejournal.com]

Once Sam does get his soul back, he is going to feel guilty as all get out, knowing that he is the cause of Lisa and Dean's break-up.

The story line also, is showing how great a dad Dean is with the Babyshifter ep. and then going darkside with it with Dean shoving Ben, and then revealing his biggest truth that he's a killer, not a father (in front of Sam). All of that isn't a coincidence, which makes me believe that once Sam is Sam, he will be taking care of Dean and helping him get Lisa back to fulfill the entire Dean arc. Not as dramatic as Sam's, but still there.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

once Sam is Sam, he will be taking care of Dean and helping him get Lisa back to fulfill the entire Dean arc

Hmm... that may well be so. Though I don't see Lisa and Dean stuff on the horizon for a long time to come.

I think Sam should feel guilty about all number of things (not that I want him to have to revisit guilt), but I wonder how they will play that.

Oh man, after seeing the promo pics for this season I think we have a lot worse to come in terms of evil!Sam.

Ack... I don't think my heart will cope.

xx

[auroramama]

I'm not sure the last time Sam helped Dean keep on track.

That would be "Point of No Return", 5.18. Without Sam's faith in him, Dean would have said yes to Michael.

See how easy?

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hee! Of course. How could I forget that. It was one of my most favourite moments in S5.

Thanks you. The boys really are there for each other. :D

[auroramama]

I remember it because they made us wait two seasons for it -- and made Dean stop believing in Sam first. That was a long, long wait, especially when I seem unable not to feel protective of Sam. It's the older sibling coming out in me.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. It was a very long wait wasn't?! And I am totally protective of Sam too. Hmmm... I am also the eldest sibling. I wonder if there's something in that...

:D

*raps a protective rug around Sammy*

xx

[werty30.livejournal.com]

That spoiler makes me sad. How can they be soulmates without Sam`s soul?

On the top of my wish list this season was they would stop making Sam hurt Dean.

Agreed. I don`t want them to hurt each other.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

How can they be soulmates without Sam`s soul?

Oh, good point! Exactly. :(((

Yeah - some rest from the hurting would be nice.

xx

[heartlessbytchh.livejournal.com]

Ash, I don't know what to say. I'm enjoying the Hell out of the season. I think in some ways this is the best season yet. I think they've upped the ante. Everybody wants them to be like they were. Show is playing a high stakes poker game with viewers. How many will fold, how many will stay til the last card is laid?
Crap, Now I sound like a Kenny Rogers song.
;D

[ash48.livejournal.com]

I have been really enjoying it to. It's been a roller coaster ride. It's why I am torn. I love that they've really mixed things up and things aren't exactly like before... but equally, it makes me pine for the bond and friendship they had. Though, I know that's not gone... just, missing.

How many will fold, how many will stay til the last card is laid?

That's what worries. I mean, I'm here until the end. I'm pretty sure I can't let it go. But I know of some who have given it up and the ratings are reflecting it as well. I definitely think it's Jared's best season yet. His performance has been amazing. He's owned this new Sam.

<33

[sothcweden.livejournal.com]

I confess that I'm torn. The part of me that loves a good story is fascinated by the continuing angst and chasm between the brothers. However, the other part of me (as I said in a comment to a previous post), really misses the brotherly relationship that made me invest in the show to begin with. You're much more articulate about it than I am,though. *crosses fingers for a better future*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hee! I certainly don't feel articulate. I've mulled over this post for days. Mostly because I just can't seem to settle on exactly what's bothering me. I love a good fascinating story and yet it's such a heart breaking one.

I'm going to take the advice debbiel left above. Relax and enjoy the ride. Well, try to. :)

xx

[girlyghoul70.livejournal.com]

I confess that I'm torn. The part of me that loves a good story is fascinated by the continuing angst and chasm between the brothers. However, the other part of me (as I said in a comment to a previous post), really misses the brotherly relationship that made me invest in the show to begin with. You're much more articulate about it than I am,though. *crosses fingers for a better future*

This is where I'm at too. I'm rivited by the mystery of what is going on with Sam and in watching how Dean reacts to and deals with it all. But at the same time I MISS that Brother Bond. When I watch over Seasons 1-3 and then compare them to 4- now, it almost feels like watching two different shows.

The first season was all about Dad missing. These past couple seasons for me have been about the Brother Love missing. And I keep thinking they'll get it back. I keep hoping this is where it's all heading- But the relationship between Bros. keeps taking such a whumpin' (literally at times)

I'm still holding out hope. And I never watched Buffy, but I'll believe the Buffy folks that it was all worth it in the end. :-)

[sothcweden.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the Brother Bond is the reason my Season 1-3 DVDs have been watched waaaay more than the two more recent seasons, despite the interesting stories in 4 & 5. I hope, for all of us, that we get a good resolution.

[girlyghoul70.livejournal.com]

Where's Sam soul? In hell? In heaven? In limbo?

I don't know if this will help at all but here is one possibility that a very artistic friend of mine came up with. Hee.

But you bring up a lot of good points. I'd like to think all will be well once they get Sam's soul back- but he HAS been up to something- beyond just not having a soul. He's been such a relentless hunter and has knowingly put loved ones in danger. Knowingly lied. I still wonder if something isn't taking over his empty vehicle with or without his knowing. Or if this is just Sam without his essence. Driven purely by instinct with no emotions or thoughts for the consequence- just do what must be done and not be stopped.

Oh I want our boys back and back together! SOOOOOON! (I bet it won't happen before the hiatus though) *crosses fingers and toes it won't be much longer after that*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh that art work is AWESOME!! I haven't seen it posted to lj??

And yes to what you said. :D It's obviously a great mystery. Quite a few possibilities. I suppose I am most interested to know if there's something behind his search for the Alphas or they are just another hunt to him.

I hope we get to know that pretty soon. AS for the boys being back together. Ack! That can't come soon enough.

xx