Oh jeez....where do I start??!!

[ash48]

I'm back! Well..... sort of.

I returned from my jaunt over east a few days back but I'm only now opening LJ (for reasons I'll explain below) and I feel sooooo out of touch. You've all been so busy lately and I have no idea where to start to try and catch up.

Firstly ... the holiday highs and lows ...

The Highs:

Catching up with my family - ALL of them. Not often we are all together so it was kinda special (but also full on!)

Seeing Melbourne again after a few years away. I forgot how vibrant and interesting the place can be.

Meeting up with the absolutely wonderful missyjack. This was a real highlight and I am sooo proud of myself for not chickening out! It was a first for me - putting a face and actual person behind a name. And even though I was fairly nervous about it, I had no need to be. She's as awesome in real life as she is on line and I feel privileged to have been able to meet her. Thanks again sweetie - it still brings a smile to my face when I think about of brief time together.

The Lows:

Missing my own personal space. A much as I loved seeing the family again there is nothing quite like getting home to my own space.

Seeing The Day the Earth Stood Still. I went in with low expectations anyway, but even that didn't help. At least I caught up on some much need sleep.

Having a massive argument with my husband about the time I spend on SPN.


We hardly EVER fight this was so this was pretty major and downright awful. I won't bore you with the ins and outs of this but what it has resulted in is a commitment on my part to cut back and to try (once again) to find the right balance between time for my family and time for myself.

I admit to being fairly obsessive when it comes to all things SPN and on-line SPN and I suppose I needed a bit of a wake up call to that. It's resulted in me resigning my Mod status at SVS and taking a step away from the comms I have recently become involved with here: spn_sceneit and spnvidrecs. Strangely enough the video making didn't really come under fire (I think he is actually quite proud of some of the stuff I've done), but rather the reading, the emailing, the vid watching etc. I thought about going cold turkey and giving it all away, but that only depressed me so I've just to look at ways I can balance all that out.

I still hope to make vids (after all it's the only creative outlet I have at the moment), keep an eye on my lovely flist, watch my show (just try and take THAT away!!!) and pop in on SVS.

My marriage is very important to me and there is no doubt it takes certain sacrifices to make it work - from both sides.

Anyway - sorry to rant. I wouldn't normally post about this sort of stuff, but as it involves SPN and stuff I do here I thought I would get it off my chest.

I hope to catch up with everything that's been going on over the next few days. If there are any "must sees" please let me know. (Dei ... your vid is on the top of my list!!!)

*hugs* you all.

Comments

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

so sorry you had to go thru that horrid conflict - hope you can find a balance that works.

It was so wonderful to meet you! I am glad I didnt scare you off meeting future fangirls. I hope we get another chance to do it and for much monger next time.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you hun.

I am glad I didnt scare you off meeting future fangirls.

Hee! No you didn't. In fact it's made me want to meet more!

I hope we get another chance to do it and for much monger next time.

Me too. I sure there's a bottle of wine or three with our names on them! :D

xx

[http://users.livejournal.com/_sharvie_/]

I knew something was up when I didn't see you comment on Dei's vid. Like the whole world was at her LJ. *snicker* So I'm glad to hear it was a trip and now you're back.

If I could offer a silver lining to your argument...be happy your hubby wants to spend time with you and is jealous of time spent elsewhere. I always felt blessed my husband was so easy going about my time spent in fandom and he always supported my outside interests. Little did I know that he really couldn't give a shit if he saw me or not. Finally it got to the point where I couldn't convince him to come home by dawn.... and it was all downhill from there. You know the rest. So yeah, if he's looking to spend quality time with you...count your blessings.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey sweetie.

Yes. Thank you. This is a wonderful point and I am blessed to have a husband who loves me that much. It's hard to be told about your own selfish behaviours and I suspect that was why this argument was so difficult. I knew he was right - I just wanted my cake AND eat it too.

We have always allowed each other our own "space" and personal pursuits, but I suspect I was taking a bit of an advantage with mine.

Thanks for this fresh perspective. It's helped a lot.

And yes - I took a quick peek at Dei's post (but not the vid yet) to see a gazillion comments. I can't wait get a chance to see it. :D

*snuggles* you. I hope things are going ok for you honey.

xx

[http://users.livejournal.com/_sharvie_/]

After I hit "post" I'd had this horrible feeling I'd overstepped. Like I should have said "not every situation is the same, don't feel guilty for wanting some 'me' time, etc, etc"

So I'm glad I didn't come off as you shouldn't feel bad for having an argument, cause that so wasn't what I was thinking. I just had this moment when reading your post like, "I wish that had been my problem!", you know? *sigh*

But yeah, us girls have to have our fun time too and you shouldn't have to give everything up. And I'm the last person who needs to be giving relationship advice right about now! Don't listen to a thing I say, mmkay? *rolls eyes at self*

As for me....*lol* yeah, a little mental at the moment. *snicker* But I have a somewhat stable job doing something I love and am relatively healthy, so it could be so much worse.

And yes, you much go watch THE VID! :D You will be on the floor laughing your butt off. She should have posted it with a soda spew warning!

*hugs* Glad you're back, even though I didn't know you were gone. *lol*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

No way did you overstep Steph. It was perfect in fact. I shared what you said with him because I know he has been feeling really bad. So, you know, win/win. :D

Thanks again. I appreciated it very much.

Off the watch THE VID now!

*heffa hugs*

xx

[deirdre-c.livejournal.com]

AHahaaa! MY EARS ARE BURNING! :D

*loves on you both*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hee! That's what ya get for being so AWESOME!!!

I've already told you how much I totally LOVE the vid.
\O/ \O/

[dotfic.livejournal.com]

Fitting fandom with other things can be difficult. My feeling is a balance is good. The creativity and community of fandom does matter. I hope you find a way to fit it all together. *hugs*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much sweetie. Balance is the key and I'm already feeling like it's going to be better all round now. Shame I let it get to the point where it ended is a massive blue, but I had become quite blinkered I think.

Thanks again.

*huggles*

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes, it's so easy to let fandom take over your life and I don't even have a marriage to balance. Sounds like a good solution. Feel free to rant any time on LJ. Lord know I do.

Despite the argument, I do think it's sweet your hubby wants to spend more time together. That can only be healthy. *hugs*

Lizzie

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks Lizzie. My hubby has been feeling bad about the whole thing too - but we have some healthy communication going again, so all's good.

Ranting definitely helps! :D

*hugs*
xx

[fleshflutter.livejournal.com]

So sorry about the row. You have to do what is best for you, and balancing fandom with rl is always hard but rl does have to come first. <333

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks sweetie. It's true. It is hard. I think if I had my way I'd be wallowing in the joys of fandom 24/7. :D I'm still going to enjoy it, but just learn to select the times I do it more appropriately.

*smishes*

[azziria.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear that you and he are communicating.

DH and I came to a similar point a few years back. We had a huge row and I nearly left him (I think I probably would have if it hadn't been for the kids) over the fact that he objected to what I spent birthday money I'd been given on (the box set of Sharpe DVDs, actually).

Of course, when I took a step back and did some thinking, I realised that he was reacting to my ongoing involvement with fannish stuff that he didn't 'get' at all, and he felt left out and threatened by something he didn't really understand. The upshot was that I had to try to be more open with him, he had to try to communicate to me when he was bothered about stuff, and we both had to dedicate some 'us' time to doing things together and making the other feel like a priority.

I can't say we've got it absolutely perfect now, but we're together and happy about it. We muddle along OK, on the whole - which after almost 20 years together is pretty good going :-)

As you say, it's about getting the right balance. You wouldn't be happy going cold turkey - and I'm sure he doesn't want you unhappy - you just need to come to where you can maintain perspective and sort things out before they get to the fighting stage.

Much love and positive thoughts to both of you.

(Just don't give up the vidding, OK? It would leave a hard-to-fill hole in the fandom!)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there. Thank you so much.

We had a huge row and I nearly left him.

I gotta say it felt like it was heading that way for us. It was truly awful. And after 17 years of marriage it was a bit scary.

But communication certainly seems to be the key. He's mostly been very supportive of the stuff I've been doing. Even bought me my vidding program and its recent upgrade. We share jokes about SPN - of course he thinks it's awful, and he mostly says stuff just to wind me up. But it's a way of sharing the show together. But more recently, I think, I've become more "obsessed" and kept saying things like "But I have to do just this one thing ...".

But we've had some much more civilised discussions lately and things seem fine.

Thanks for sharing your story with me. I always wonder how other married gals manage to find the balance.

*hugs*

[the-muppet.livejournal.com]

You have to do what's right for your personal life/marriage and find a happy balance - I really hope that this is that happy balance for you and good luck =)

And you know too that you'll remain a silent partner on our comms - with absolutely no obligation, just thanks for everything you did - for as long as you want to be =)

*heffa hugs*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey sweetie. Thanks so much. I still have the comms on alert so I will be keeping and eye and when ever I can help out with anything I will.

*takes your heffa hug and raises you a mega heffa hug*

:D
xx

[maichan.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you've opened up a dialogue with your husband. Finding the right balance of fannish activities and familial obligation is always tricky. I find it helpful to let my husband take part in my fandom life as much as possible.

I ask him for concrit on my vids and manips. I regale him with the latest J2 news (ok, he doesn't actually enjoy this part but I do it anyway). I even make him icons and wallpapers of actresses he likes. I find all of this goes a long way to making him feel included. He even knows about the slash I read D: (I mean I let him have his real porn, so he can't bother me about mine. hehe)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey darlin'.

I find it helpful to let my husband take part in my fandom life as much as possible.

Ah yes. He has actually been quite involved in the past (especially at the beginning) - helping me with all the techs to do with vidding etc and giving me concrit. I think he then just got sick of it. We've often had quite good "meta" type discussions on fandom etc. but I think perhaps I've just overstepped the mark a bit recently and he's really not been interested in anything to do with SPN at all. (and yeah, making a vid of the boys having sex and then squeeing over it with my sister - didn't help my cause AT ALL!!)

It sounds like you have a good system worked out hun.

Thanks for sharing this with me.

*hugs* (and I'm hearing ya re the porn! :D)

[hay1ock.livejournal.com]

*squishes you*
Hope you find the balance you need hun
*squishes some more* x

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks babe. (I hope so too!!)

*smishes*

[from-the-corner.livejournal.com]

I know we haven't really talked, but still ... *hugs* I'm sure you two will work it out. I wish you all the best.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much hun! It's all cool - just meant pulling back from doing some stuff I enjoy - like our comms!

See you around.

xx

[deirdre-c.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know I already emailed you about my own similar experience with husbandly disapproval. For us, it's definitely a combination of feeling of being left out of a big chunk of my life (that he has no interest in) and being ignored in favor of frivolous things/strangers on the internet. But we've been lucky enough to avoid any HUGE blow ups over it.

It's just so haaaard to step back from all the fun going on here, right? *clings to you*

Good luck finding the balance, honey. I'm so, so glad to hear that the vidding itself is not on the chopping block. <333

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much darlin'. I often wonder how you manage/juggle it all - (especially with 3 kids!!) - but you obviously have it sussed out - which is wonderful.

Pulling back is extremely hard! It's been 3 weeks now and I still get cravings. But it had to happen.

I itching to start a new vid (oh man, I have a mega angsty one in mind!) but haven't found the right time to get started yet.

All the best sweetie and thanks. *hugs*

xx

[hedonist-bot.livejournal.com]

Hey Vidlady,

It sounds as though you guys don't fight much if a confrontation like that went off so badly. You must have very good understanding with each other and a close relationship. Anouska and I agrue all the time, but it's never serious and actually makes our relationship stronger, if that makes sense. I think you're both the most fantastic people and I am blessed to you know both and can't think of you in any other terms that Sarah and Stu (and Ash, of course).


You know, Stu has an obsession as well. Something by the name of PKD! I remember at dinner he could not stop talking about him. It didn't worry me, because I am a fan as well, but I can see that it might get annoying to you after a while.

I am very happy you found a creative outlet in vidding. As a fellow editor, I like your stuff, even though I am not much of a fan of the show (I am with Stu on that one). However, I do miss your theatrical talents. You are fantastic actor and an insightful director. When can we work together again?

I am glad things worked out. I am home in nine days and utterly depressed about it! Take care.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

DANIEL!!!!

*smishes* - see on-line virtual hug!

I'm actually vidding at the moment. (Stu is off with his other obsession - rowing.) :)

And yeah, it was pretty messy. But we do have a wonderful relationship and we've sorted it out. Sometimes these things need come to a head in order to be resolved. (not often thankfully!)

OMG! 9 days!? Can you (if you have a chance) give me a link here for your blog site. I NEED to catch up on what you've been up to. Then give me a bell when you're back and settled in (if you ever feel settled again after traveling!) and we will catch up.

Theatrically - I feel the need to act - I am actually missing it. I'm hoping to do something in the one act season this year. A full play is just too much while I'm working full time. So - let's act together - that would be great!

Yay! Lovely to hear from you. Thanks for your lovely words. Enjoy the rest of your travels.

*another smish*
xx

[hedonist-bot.livejournal.com]

Sarah!!!

I am a month behind on my blog. But you probably have a bit to catch up on anyway. www.danielkershaw.blogspot.com

I am currently in Malta, home of my fore-fathers. It is a great place to end a journey! I don't want to come home! I am having too much fun overseas. However, I have a job waiting for me in Olomouc, Czech Republic, which you will read about, in the summer of 2010.

Looking forward to catching up with you. Is Darlington too far for you to travel? I was thinking of doing something up there.