Oh jeez....where do I start??!!

[ash48]

I'm back! Well..... sort of.

I returned from my jaunt over east a few days back but I'm only now opening LJ (for reasons I'll explain below) and I feel sooooo out of touch. You've all been so busy lately and I have no idea where to start to try and catch up.

Firstly ... the holiday highs and lows ...

The Highs:

Catching up with my family - ALL of them. Not often we are all together so it was kinda special (but also full on!)

Seeing Melbourne again after a few years away. I forgot how vibrant and interesting the place can be.

Meeting up with the absolutely wonderful missyjack. This was a real highlight and I am sooo proud of myself for not chickening out! It was a first for me - putting a face and actual person behind a name. And even though I was fairly nervous about it, I had no need to be. She's as awesome in real life as she is on line and I feel privileged to have been able to meet her. Thanks again sweetie - it still brings a smile to my face when I think about of brief time together.

The Lows:

Missing my own personal space. A much as I loved seeing the family again there is nothing quite like getting home to my own space.

Seeing The Day the Earth Stood Still. I went in with low expectations anyway, but even that didn't help. At least I caught up on some much need sleep.

Having a massive argument with my husband about the time I spend on SPN.


We hardly EVER fight this was so this was pretty major and downright awful. I won't bore you with the ins and outs of this but what it has resulted in is a commitment on my part to cut back and to try (once again) to find the right balance between time for my family and time for myself.

I admit to being fairly obsessive when it comes to all things SPN and on-line SPN and I suppose I needed a bit of a wake up call to that. It's resulted in me resigning my Mod status at SVS and taking a step away from the comms I have recently become involved with here: spn_sceneit and spnvidrecs. Strangely enough the video making didn't really come under fire (I think he is actually quite proud of some of the stuff I've done), but rather the reading, the emailing, the vid watching etc. I thought about going cold turkey and giving it all away, but that only depressed me so I've just to look at ways I can balance all that out.

I still hope to make vids (after all it's the only creative outlet I have at the moment), keep an eye on my lovely flist, watch my show (just try and take THAT away!!!) and pop in on SVS.

My marriage is very important to me and there is no doubt it takes certain sacrifices to make it work - from both sides.

Anyway - sorry to rant. I wouldn't normally post about this sort of stuff, but as it involves SPN and stuff I do here I thought I would get it off my chest.

I hope to catch up with everything that's been going on over the next few days. If there are any "must sees" please let me know. (Dei ... your vid is on the top of my list!!!)

*hugs* you all.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_sharvie_/]

I knew something was up when I didn't see you comment on Dei's vid. Like the whole world was at her LJ. *snicker* So I'm glad to hear it was a trip and now you're back.

If I could offer a silver lining to your argument...be happy your hubby wants to spend time with you and is jealous of time spent elsewhere. I always felt blessed my husband was so easy going about my time spent in fandom and he always supported my outside interests. Little did I know that he really couldn't give a shit if he saw me or not. Finally it got to the point where I couldn't convince him to come home by dawn.... and it was all downhill from there. You know the rest. So yeah, if he's looking to spend quality time with you...count your blessings.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey sweetie.

Yes. Thank you. This is a wonderful point and I am blessed to have a husband who loves me that much. It's hard to be told about your own selfish behaviours and I suspect that was why this argument was so difficult. I knew he was right - I just wanted my cake AND eat it too.

We have always allowed each other our own "space" and personal pursuits, but I suspect I was taking a bit of an advantage with mine.

Thanks for this fresh perspective. It's helped a lot.

And yes - I took a quick peek at Dei's post (but not the vid yet) to see a gazillion comments. I can't wait get a chance to see it. :D

*snuggles* you. I hope things are going ok for you honey.

xx

[http://users.livejournal.com/_sharvie_/]

After I hit "post" I'd had this horrible feeling I'd overstepped. Like I should have said "not every situation is the same, don't feel guilty for wanting some 'me' time, etc, etc"

So I'm glad I didn't come off as you shouldn't feel bad for having an argument, cause that so wasn't what I was thinking. I just had this moment when reading your post like, "I wish that had been my problem!", you know? *sigh*

But yeah, us girls have to have our fun time too and you shouldn't have to give everything up. And I'm the last person who needs to be giving relationship advice right about now! Don't listen to a thing I say, mmkay? *rolls eyes at self*

As for me....*lol* yeah, a little mental at the moment. *snicker* But I have a somewhat stable job doing something I love and am relatively healthy, so it could be so much worse.

And yes, you much go watch THE VID! :D You will be on the floor laughing your butt off. She should have posted it with a soda spew warning!

*hugs* Glad you're back, even though I didn't know you were gone. *lol*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

No way did you overstep Steph. It was perfect in fact. I shared what you said with him because I know he has been feeling really bad. So, you know, win/win. :D

Thanks again. I appreciated it very much.

Off the watch THE VID now!

*heffa hugs*

xx

[deirdre-c.livejournal.com]

AHahaaa! MY EARS ARE BURNING! :D

*loves on you both*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hee! That's what ya get for being so AWESOME!!!

I've already told you how much I totally LOVE the vid.
\O/ \O/