New Vid: Behind Blue Eyes

[ash48]

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Title: Behind Blue Eyes
Vidder: ash48
Song: Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit
Category: Sam character study / angst
Length: 3.50m
Size 41.4mb
Summary: My love is vengeance, that's never free.

For greyowl88 Your constant support makes me *beam*. And anyone who can watch and comment on all my vids deserves a friggin' medal. I'm all out of those so I hope this vid will do. :)


Links:
Watch: You Tube Downloads: 4shared (.avi) sendspace (.divx)
And an experiment (and a bit presumptuous I suppose), but I have been asked about this: Download for iPods -.m4v
(I'll be curious to know if this works if any one tries it).

vid_the_grid I'm going Vidder's choice for this as I've already used my angst one. :)

Thanks:
I've been lucky to have 2 betas help me out on this. My ever fabulous beta_sharvie_ and the wonderful mithborien. Thanks gals for your keen eyes and awesome suggestions. Special thanks tomaichan808 and my_sn_therapy for their feedback and input. *heffa hugs to you all*

Notes
Right then. I'm going to blab because there's some stuff I want to say about this. So yeah, feel free to skip it. :)

I've been tossing this song around for ages - will I, won't I use it. For me the lyrics were just so perfect for the story and meta I wanted to say about S4 Sam. With stuff like "My dreams aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be", just hit me. But I was reluctant also because I felt the song might be a bit, um sentimental and slow. But those lyrics just leave wouldn't me alone. So here it is.

There's some stuff in here that I was thinking but might not leap out. Like the link I wanted to make between Sam's thirst for killing Lilith is in fact making him turn into the thing he despises the most. So I've gone with symbolising that by overlaying their hands etc.

Also, the idea that Sam was pre-destined to drink demon blood. "Fated" as it were. Quick moments, but that's the thinking behind them.

And lastly the line "No one knows what it's like" - has a double meaning for me. It's not just about Sam lamenting that his brother doesn't understand him or what he's been through but we, the audience, don't much either. We haven't really been given that much insight into what actually drove Sam to saying yes to drinking demon blood for example. That of course, doesn't come out in the vid, but it was one of the motivating factors for choosing this song.

Though this is more of a look at why Sam made some choices and his sense of loneliness.

No money made but comments make me feel nice. :)

Comments

[dotfic.livejournal.com]

That is gorgeous and heartbreaking. You know that I did like Sam's story in S4, and I think I know why he did it, and the show had those reasons as a low drumbeat beneath Sam's actions, but any vocalization was done in hints or pieces of the puzzle or clues but never the full picture. And the reasons came through from the context of character history in relation to Sam's actions.

I saw so much of the stuff I was thinking during S4 -- sense of powerlessness, unbearable grief and trauma over what happened to Dean, resentment that Dean had sacrificed himself for him. And the self-loathing and sense of isolation. Oh, Sam.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey Dot! Thank you so much for watching and for your thoughtful comment.

I found S4 Sam fascinating. Frustrating at times - desperately wanting him to stay with Dean and not rely on Ruby. But I believe his actions were grounded in so, so much (of which you mention here) and I really wanted to explore some of that with this vid.

Thanks again! :D

[starrylizard.livejournal.com]

You know what? I see this song used for a vid and I cringe. I've seen so many BAD vids made to this song for pretty blue-eyed characters with long stares... but you made it, so I hit download.




And it's great! *grins* Very nicely done! It works so nicely as a metaphore for Sam, especially the whole "my love is vengeance" and you chose great clips and subtle effects. Poor Sammy! *smishes him*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

You know what? I see this song used for a vid and I cringe.

YES! That's why I was so, so reluctant to use it!! I even scrapped the whole thing at one point thinking how naff the song was. I even emailed my beta, Steph and asked her if it was too naff. It was then I discovered that naff must be an Aussie word! :)

So thank you for taking a chance on it. I suspect a lot of people would look at the title of the vid and think - oh yuk! Hee! I know I would....

I'm also glad to hear that you liked it - means a lot to me. The lyrics were just too "Sam-like" for me to ignore, so I had to take a chance on the song.. :)

Thanks again. :)

[spoiledcat.livejournal.com]

WOW that's a really great vid! I friended you after I watched your other wonderful work "Hurt". And now this great companion piece. Oh and Sam is soo pretty *is shallow* :-)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey! Hee! Sam is very, very pretty that's for sure.... :)

Thank you so much for watching this one as well. I had hoped it would work as a companion piece to Hurt.

Thanks again. :)
xx

[deirdre-c.livejournal.com]

Oh Ash! This is BEAUTIFUL!!!! The whole way through I kept saying, "Yes. YES." at your clip choices and your insights. So many gorgeous shots and so many perfect insights into Sam's psyche. (Can I tell you? I adore the shot of his fist at 3:26. WOW.)

Wonderfully well done. I'm so so happy that you stuck with it. Such a fantastic companion piece to "Hurt."

♥♥♥

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Dei!! *flying tackle*

Thanks darlin'.

Can I tell you? I adore the shot of his fist at 3:26. WOW.

Hee! Yes, yes you can. *g* I'm so glad. I worried it might be a bit corney - I wanted it to symbolise the way he's holding on to his need for revenge whilst squeezing the life out of Alistair.

Thanks so much for watching and commenting honey. Always means a lot to me. :D
<333

[fufaraw]

This is an incredibly illuminative look at Sam. Breaks my heart.

It would also be a hell of an audition reel for JP for future endeavors. I love watching his evolution as an actor through the seasons.

Beautiful work, thanks for sharing it.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there. Thank you so much. That's a lovely thing to say. Hee! And wouldn't it be awesome if JP used it as an audition reel! LOL!!

Thanks so much for watching and commenting. :)

[ancastar.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you may have wondered if I fell off the face of the earth. But it's been one of those weeks, complete with more medical drama. I apologize.

This is just gutting, isn't it? I can't imagine anyone watching this vid and finding Sam anything but sympathetic. All the regret, all his anguish came through. You've made him so isolated here (which I believe is in keeping with canon), that it appears he has no one and no way to rescue him(self). Man... His self-loathing and guilt were so evident. I just wanted to wrap him up tight and tell him it was okay.

Poor puppy!

You're so mean to him. ;-)

Wonderful work.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

I'm sure you may have wondered if I fell off the face of the earth.

I did actually. In fact I had a couple of emails ready to send to see if everything was ok. But I thought maybe you were taking some time out ... I'm so sorry to hear you had some more medical drama. I hope everything is ok.

I can't imagine anyone watching this vid and finding Sam anything but sympathetic.

I suppose that's my hope... but I think those that are unsympathetic may not be swayed unfortunately. Though I have had a couple of comments about being able to see Sam in a different light - so that's been nice. :)

I just wanted to wrap him up tight and tell him it was okay.

Oh I know! Me too... though I'm not really sure what Sam needs at the moment and after the last episode I'm even less sure...

Thanks so much for popping in hon. :)

[pinkphoenix1985.livejournal.com]

got recced here and THIS is brilliant! you've managed in just 3 mins to showcase Sam in a way that S4 AND S5 have failed to do.

I so wish that the writers could see this and realize that they've been making mistakes with Sam-- Sam has had a crappy time of it and he still hasn't been redeemed and that breaks my heart :(

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there! oooh - it got rec'd somewhere? Yay (that's always nice to know...)

I am so glad you liked this a felt that it did justice to Sam.

I keep waiting for Sam to be redeemed in some way, but they seem to be struggling with how to do that. He's still seen as being selfish and totally to blame for, well, everything... breaks my heart too.

My aim here was to show his side of the story. Not to make excuses for him, but to show in part what he's been going through as well...

So, thanks so much for letting me know it worked for you. Means a lot. :D :D

[agt-league.livejournal.com]

Fucking. AMAZING.

You showed S4!Sam perfectly and these lyrics suit him so well, seriously. My heart breaks for what he had to go through alone without Dean.

Fantastic video - the clips you put together worked really well with the song.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so very much! :D I'm so glad it worked for you... :D

Thanks for taking the time to let me know. :)

[amalthia]

This was so good! Seriously I already re-watched about 3 times now. :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Wow - thank you. I'm thrilled you thought so.

Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know.
:D :D

[mithborien.livejournal.com]

I never really know what to say in comments to vids beyond 'Yay, I like this', but I just wanted to say well done again, and I think there were some really cool moments in this where you matched the clips to the music. I'm glad I was able to help out :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hee! "yay, I like this" is cool... :)

And thanks again for your help. Much appreciated. :D

[maychorian.livejournal.com]

Oh, goodness. You made me cry with this, and I feel like I understand Sam better. That's amazing.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I love that you feel that you understand Sam a little better - I hoped it may do that for some people. :D :D

Thanks again hun. :)

[tabaqui]

Oh, absolutely awesome. Broke my heart for Sam all over again. Really loved it.

Dl'ing. :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi. Thank you so very much. My heart always seems to be breaking for Sam..

I so glad it worked for you. :)

[varkelton]

Ow..... ow..... ::sobs:: ::cuddles Sammy close:: ::sobs some more:: Oh, honey... so very pretty and hurty... thank you.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh honey.. *hands tissue*

Sam has a way of ripping my heart out... :(

Thanks so much for watching and commenting hun! <3

[boom-queen.livejournal.com]

Hi! This vid was rec'd at crack_impala here :D

[ash48.livejournal.com]

YAY! Thank you so much.

(There's always something about a crack_impala rec that makes me beam!)

Thank you.

[brigid-tanner.livejournal.com]

Always loved this song, but hadn't heard this version. Beautiful match of vid to music. I downloaded it for iPod, and it worked. Thanks for making that an option, cause I don't know much about converting video files :) Made me cry for Sam watching this.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi. Thank you so very much. I did listen to The Who's version, but it didn't quite fit the mood. Though I also like their version..

I'm glad the vid worked for you. (and the iPod version!)

Thanks for dropping in. :D :D

[fiery-genius.livejournal.com]

You know, I don't think a lot of people can vid this song -- no matter what fandom -- without it looking a bit slow, but here this vid comes and it's PERFECT! It fits Sam perfectly, not only in Dean being unable to understand what he's gone through (last we checked, Dean had no powers, no demon blood addiction, etc.), but for possibly the Sam haters. (Still don't understand how some people can like only one brother but not the other -- when this whole show is about two brothers...)

*wibbles for Sam* Sammy! Oh, let me hug you! *wants to grab Sam into tight hug*

Seriously, your clip choices are spot on, and I love the simplistic look for this vid -- no crazy effects in every frame, just showing Sam's angst/issues.

(Not to mention, slight Dean blame -- yay! I mean, I love Dean as much as Sam, but sometimes I want to punch the man!)

Added this to my favorites at Youtube, and rated it 5 stars there; and, do you mind if I friend you? You're becoming one of my favorite SPN vidders, and I don't want it to take months after they're out for me to catch an SPN from you.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there.

Wow, thanks so much for your lovely comment. :) The song really concerned me because of its pace and potential cheesiness, so I'm glad to hear that it worked for you. :)

And I also don't understand peeps who can hate Sam. At all. The whole show is about the choices they make - even if they are the wrong ones. And both of them are guilty of that. I have a lot of love for Sam (as you can probably tell!)

Thanks so much again. And sure, friend away! I mostly post vid related stuff, but sometimes episode reactions and the like... :)

[netlynn.livejournal.com]

Ok, I really liked the Dean vid to Hurt but I'm thinking I love this one more? IDK you make it such a hard choice. I love the reference to Sam's reflections and how we 'don't know what it's like all the way to it being Dean's fault. LOL Your editing is flawless and each new vid I watch I am in total awe of your skills. Thank you so much for sharing.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I saw this as my Sam vid to my Dean "Hurt" vid. I wanted to show his side of the story. I think maybe I injected some of my own thoughts about why Sam went off the rails. I certainly see Dean's death as a major reason. But Sam is quite a complex character and I felt this song allowed me to examine some of those themes.

Thank so much for the lovely comment. :D

[colls]

Very angsty - So much of my own watching had me feeling for Dean, I like how you've made me look at Sam's side too.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much. I have a soft spot for Sam and I think a lot of peeps sympathise with Dean (because we mostly see his story). I'm glad this gave you a bit of Sam's side too. :)

Thank you so much for taking a look and commenting. <333

[echan (from livejournal.com)]

Hi. I switched computers today, and I'm going through all my favorite vids and leaving comments on them. This vid is all the bits I love best about the band and the show. It really shows how Sam tries to be good, and those efforts ruin him, even while everyone judges him for not trying. I have the vid saved for rewatching.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi, thank you so much for taking the time to pop by and leaving such a lovely comment.

I'm happy you like the vid. :D

[reggie11.livejournal.com]

God, Ash, you killed me with this. A stunning video of Sam's loneliness and how he lost his way. Season 4 broke made my heart shatter for Sam. He tried so hard to do the right thing and it bit him in the arse every single time. He was so misunderstood as well and at times it seemed like Dean didn't even want to try to understand which made it so much worse. The song you chose was absolutely perfect. You've made me cry like a baby with this, it's just so beautifully sad. Bravo!
I've saved it to my Delicious.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there!

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment. S4 broke my heart. At times I absolutely believed he was doing the right thing (Jared was so convincing) and then it turned out that he was being played and it hurt so much. And yeah, it didn't help that Dean seem to drive him away. It was such a heart wrenching season.

I'm so glad you liked it. :))