New Vid: Behind Blue Eyes

[ash48]

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Title: Behind Blue Eyes
Vidder: ash48
Song: Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit
Category: Sam character study / angst
Length: 3.50m
Size 41.4mb
Summary: My love is vengeance, that's never free.

For greyowl88 Your constant support makes me *beam*. And anyone who can watch and comment on all my vids deserves a friggin' medal. I'm all out of those so I hope this vid will do. :)


Links:
Watch: You Tube Downloads: 4shared (.avi) sendspace (.divx)
And an experiment (and a bit presumptuous I suppose), but I have been asked about this: Download for iPods -.m4v
(I'll be curious to know if this works if any one tries it).

vid_the_grid I'm going Vidder's choice for this as I've already used my angst one. :)

Thanks:
I've been lucky to have 2 betas help me out on this. My ever fabulous beta_sharvie_ and the wonderful mithborien. Thanks gals for your keen eyes and awesome suggestions. Special thanks tomaichan808 and my_sn_therapy for their feedback and input. *heffa hugs to you all*

Notes
Right then. I'm going to blab because there's some stuff I want to say about this. So yeah, feel free to skip it. :)

I've been tossing this song around for ages - will I, won't I use it. For me the lyrics were just so perfect for the story and meta I wanted to say about S4 Sam. With stuff like "My dreams aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be", just hit me. But I was reluctant also because I felt the song might be a bit, um sentimental and slow. But those lyrics just leave wouldn't me alone. So here it is.

There's some stuff in here that I was thinking but might not leap out. Like the link I wanted to make between Sam's thirst for killing Lilith is in fact making him turn into the thing he despises the most. So I've gone with symbolising that by overlaying their hands etc.

Also, the idea that Sam was pre-destined to drink demon blood. "Fated" as it were. Quick moments, but that's the thinking behind them.

And lastly the line "No one knows what it's like" - has a double meaning for me. It's not just about Sam lamenting that his brother doesn't understand him or what he's been through but we, the audience, don't much either. We haven't really been given that much insight into what actually drove Sam to saying yes to drinking demon blood for example. That of course, doesn't come out in the vid, but it was one of the motivating factors for choosing this song.

Though this is more of a look at why Sam made some choices and his sense of loneliness.

No money made but comments make me feel nice. :)

Comments

[greyowl88.livejournal.com]

Thank you for making this for me! *blushes*

I know you had all sorts of problems with this vid but I’m so glad you didn’t give up on it!!

Ever since you mentioned that you MIGHT use this song for a Sam vid I was like: I hope she does, I hope she does.....I’m SO glad you did!! You have a way of looking at Sam that shows so much understanding for him. And that makes the vid so heartbreaking.

Here a few moments that kind of jumped at me:
~ The beginning scene with Sam in the car with the memory of Dean going to hell showing Sam’s biggest trauma was a really good start into the vid.
~ And around 0:28 Sam’s look while Dean walkes away from him...*sob*
~ 1:32 – 1:36 “and I blame you (you, you) *heart crumbles*
~ At 2:22 the blend-in with Lillith was great. Like Sam’s memory that she tried to kill him and had killed Dean. But at the same time it seemed to indicate that Sam was executing Lillith’s will. (I noticed the earlier reference to that at 1:13 – 1:15 “my love is vengeance”.) However, that really caught my eye.
~ To put in the clip with Dean taking Sam’s hand at 3:02 was beautiful. It was connected to the words “my dreams they are as empty”...*bawls*
~ I love the “my love is vengeance” around 3:20. The memory build-up to it, the hospital scene and then Sam killing Alistair. I mean how can Sam feel anything but anger....? *feels with Sam*
~ And the last scene with Sam walking away.....*cries openly*

I think I could comment on each and every clip because they all fit so perfectly and together they create this overall story arch of Sam’s misery and........*sniff*........*sob*..........now where did I put those tissues......

I just love this vid and it's the new featured vid on my youtube channel (of course!).

(I would have used a Sam icon but when answering my "cheap account" lol only gives me default...)

xx

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh wow! Thanks so much for your lovely detailed feedback. *rolls around in it*.

I glad I stuck with it too - thanks again for the pokes!! I was so on again, off again... and then all the trouble with pixelation...

And now because I love talking about vidding.... *g*

The start of the vid is interesting in that I initially started with that scene at the beginning of the lyrics and had nothing to start the vid with. So I tried moving it forward and liked the way it set the vid up. So I'm glad you like that bit. :)

To put in the clip with Dean taking Sam’s hand at 3:02 was beautiful. It was connected to the words “my dreams they are as empty”...*bawls*

Yay. I really wanted to show that Sam has "nice" dreams too and they are of having a real connection again with Dean, starting with him returning from hell. I just love the hand holding...oh boys...

And the last scene with Sam walking away.....*cries openly*

I initially had an entirely different ending - bringing it back to him looking into his reflection in the car window by after some feedback from Coastal I decided to move his journey forward instead of going back.

hee! Sorry - I'm sure you didn't need to know all that, but I kinda love blabbing about the process.... :)

Thanks again hun. For everything.

(Oh and I'm sure you can have icons with a non paid account. I did before I upgraded. You get about 15 I think....)

[maichan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you stuck with this. Lyrically the song is just too perfect, especially the "fated" line. The angst is just insanely spot on and makes for the perfect companion piece to Hurt. I just adore the finished product and how the footage dances between color and black & white.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi hun. Thank you so much. The song is ridiculously spot on for Sam I think - even down to being defeated and saying sorry at the end. I just couldn't not do it.

makes for the perfect companion piece to Hurt.

Oh thank you. That means a lot. I really did want to make it a companion piece to Hurt..

Thanks again darlin'
xx

[devon99.livejournal.com]

Sweetie!! That was fabulous!!
*wibbles*
Poor Sammy. You made a perfect song choice and scene selection.
Really well done indeed.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey hun! Thanks so very much. So glad you thought so.. :D :D

xx

[rhoboat.livejournal.com]

This vid just rips my heart out and stomps on it. I love how you linger on certain shots that make want to go "Awww, Sam!! Wonderfully done ash48. :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey! Yay, thanks so much. Poor Sam just rips my heart out all the time.. especially during Season 4.

Thanks so much for watching and commenting hun. :)

[azziria.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is so beautiful! Sam's loneliness comes across in an utterly heartbreaking way. You are so talented, m'dear!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! *beams* :)

[virtualpersonal.livejournal.com]

Awesome vid, very emotional and emotion evoking. Great depiction of how Sam felt during season 4, and perfect choice of song.

Thanks!

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there! Thank so much for watching.. so glad you liked it! :D

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

God this is amazing! It made me want to hug Sam and rewatch all of S4 immediately. The meta contained in your visual narrative is just stunning and a most passionate and compassionate portrayal of Sam's struggles.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey MJ! Wow - thank you so much. That is such a lovely thing to say.

I'm so glad my compassion for Sam came through... :)

xx

[callme-k.livejournal.com]

You're a funny one...cautious as you are re: making angsty vids, when you've now created two of the most wonderful character studies of the boys:)
I just adore this. I love the consideration you give to scenes and their context; how you succeed in extracting the significance from them and between others.
The interpretive & narrative quality of this is so thoroughly introspective and accurate. Even though I've known of and felt these same issues you bring to light here, a part of me (after seeing this) really does feel as though I didn't know Sam, so private and personal is the reflection here.
Love it! xx

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Wow Kirsty - that is lovely praise indeed. Thank you. And thank you so much for your earlier feedback, it really helped me stick with it and feel like I was on the right track... :)

I am truly humbled by your response to this vid.

*mega smish*

xx

[redteekal.livejournal.com]

First of all YAY! You did a Sam piece to go with the 'Hurt' Dean piece :)) *beams*

Second of all congrats on this vid - now you can maybe write this comment off to Simone being a little bit biased but I'm pretty sure I've not seen such a high ratio of visually appealing footage AND meta material in an Spn vid like this before.

I mean I *know* the boys are pretty and all but these particular scenes seem to stand out with Sam's stark aesthetic appeal. Yeah I know Jared is gorgeous but to have such relevant/appropriate and suitable scenes correlate so well with the lyrics *and* portray Sam in all his masculine beauty does not seem to be par for the course for vidmakers in this fandom.

I can see exactly why you ummed and ahhed about using this song and I'll be honest when I say, having been familiar with the song, I had written it off when listening to it on my ipod as an overly sentimental and cliched number to use. But now you've forced me to actually listen to these lyrics and in relation to Sam and I'm a little bit gobsmacked as to why I didn't see that before. This is a Sam song through and through.

I love how you had the ongoing theme of Sam in the car and his reflection...and I really liked how you had a different take on the same lyrics as the song progressed - the "dreams" line holding a different meaning at the beginning than it did near the end. I like how you slipped a bit of Dean blame in there (I love Dean to pieces but I tend to think he gets let off a little easy in this fandom) from Sam's POV. And so pertinent to the line before the "blame" one - "No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings..." - the epitome of Sam is right there.

And I love that line "My love is vengeance...that's never free" It's not ideal by a long shot but vengeance a lot of the time is how Sam has shown his love - seeking vengeance. And it was always going to cost him.
Another line that stood out - and so relevant after 5.11 - "No one bites back as hard on their anger" you had the perfect scene choice from S4's Siren.

My one teeny tiny concrit (and I really hope you take this as concrit) was that the ending felt a little abrupt to me. I know the song ends this way and I have no idea how you counteract that in a seamless, invisible manner so forgive me if it's just one of those impossible to do things.

There were so many moments in this vid that were just in perfect clarity and synchronous to the lyrics - great work :) I liked your Dean vid to Hurt a lot but I think I like this one more :)) And you're right about the suprising lack of insight into Sam's motivations we get as viewers and I think that may possibly be reflective of Sam's own inner conflict and the simple fact that not even Sam himself has clarity on why he is driven to his actions. He's only just recognised now that his level of anger at the world may not be normal. I hope we see more of Sam coming to an understanding and acceptance of his nature and what drives him.

Thanks for sharing and making.

What's next on your vidding to do list??

[ash48.livejournal.com]

(part one, 'cause I blabbed so much....)

Hi there. Wow, thank you SO much for taking the time to leave me such a detailed comment. It just fills me with GLEE! (And I apologise now but this means of course I get to blab about all sorts of things...

Firstly, yes. After I made my Dean vid I just had to make a Sam vid. And strangely I put myself under some pressure with that, considering how well Hurt was received... But I'm glad I did it. :)

but these particular scenes seem to stand out with Sam's stark aesthetic appeal.

I love this sentence. I think I only ever see Sam as beautiful *g*, though when vidding I suppose I try to pick scenes that look good visually and this usually means the actors are looking damn good as well... :)

I had written it off when listening to it on my ipod as an overly sentimental and cliched number to use.

I actually had this song on my timeline, even set up all my files I do before I start a vid, and then one night just deleted it all thinking, yuk, I can't do that song... but it kept eating my brain and had to start the process all over. When I visualise a vid so clearly with the lyrics it's usually a good sign to make it..

I love how you had the ongoing theme of Sam in the car and his reflection

Thank you. As with "Hurt" I wanted a way of showing Sam's introspection and inner thoughts. For Dean is was a mirror, for Sam is was his reflection.

I like how you slipped a bit of Dean blame in there

Hee! yes..I had to give Dean some blame here. Sam didn't ask him to sell his soul for him and I'm pretty sure Dean must have been aware how devastating that would be for Sam. For all the talk of Sam being selfish this was an incredibly selfish act on Dean's part. Dean couldn't live without Sam, so he brought him back. Not a lot of thought at that moment how awful the consequences on that would be. (And I love Dean too!!)

And I love that line "My love is vengeance...that's never free"

This was one of the main reason I was drawn to the song. In Jump the Shark, Adam says "Vengeance, it's never over is it Sam?". And right there is the crux of Sam's character for me.. vengeance has always been his agenda - Jess, Dad, Dean ... he never seems to be free of of his need for revenge..

and so relevant after 5.11 - "No one bites back as hard on their anger"

I was so excited after that episode about that. I had made this vid long before that aired and it just helped me cement the ideas I wanted to show in the vid... his vengeance and thus his anger is so much apart of Sam...

[dinalori.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was in my new videos list when I logged into youtube yesterday. I love it! My heart was in my throat in several spots. You picked the perfect clips to go with the lyrics. Honestly I could go clip by clip and tell you something that I loved about each, but instead I'll just say: Amazing job as always. ♥
I assume the shot of Dean's grave from 5.1 is where you wanted a clip of Sam at a grave site?

[dinalori.livejournal.com]

*facepalm* I meant 4.1
*must stop commenting before morning caffeine*

[winterevanesce.livejournal.com]

This is really fantastic! Such a perfect vid on Sam. Wonderful job.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Yay, thanks so much Kitty. Thrilled you watched it and liked it! :D

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

Beautiful vid! The song is perfect for Sam and I thought the vid was far from overly "sentimental" as sometimes happens. Great clip selection, they matched the lyrics without being too predictable. :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! :)

I thought the vid was far from overly "sentimental" as sometimes happens.

*phew* That was my biggest concern going into this.

they matched the lyrics without being too predictable. :)

That's great to hear. When I listened to the lyrics this was all I pictured, so I did worry that maybe it was maybe too obvious.

Thank you so much for watching and commenting! <3

[secretlytodream.livejournal.com]

OH BOY!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

I actually haven't thought that it's possible to make an SPN vid for that song. I mean, on the one hand - I've never saw clips for that song, but on the other - the song is an obvious winner! \o/ I thought there's tons of vids, that's why I never got my hands on it in the first place :) And I'm glad I didn't! because you vid is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!

I really loved the first clip. I think that it's one of those things that people remember - the first clip, credits maybe and the last one. The beginning and the end. And hon? You did an amazing job. This b&w reflection of Sam? WTF! \o/

You really managed to create the mood in the vid, feeling the song through your clips choice and soft and simple editing. Everything was so smooth, and so clear - loved it.

And I LOVEEEED how you chose the Sam-clip-in-the-Impala as a сenter clip, around which you built all the video.

2:39 - OMG GO DEAN! \o/ Loved that beat.

Hon, you really amazes me how you can tear my soul out with such a deep videos ♥

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Loki! *glomps*

I mean, on the one hand - I've never saw clips for that song, but on the other - the song is an obvious winner!

You know, it was the fact that I could see every single clip for this song that I ended up using it. I mean - it's not really my kind of song, but the lyrics were made for Sam and I just had to use them to tell his story...

I really loved the first clip. I think that it's one of those things that people remember - the first clip, credits maybe and the last one

Yes! Ain't that the truth. The beginning and ending of a vid... I confess with this one I had no idea going into it of how to start it or end it (which, as you know, is very dangerous when going into a vid!) When I started the vid I had the reflection later on in the song and actually I thought it looked a bit corny, but I put it in the beginning so I could "set the tone" of the vid and suddenly I really liked it. I was pretty happy with the B&W reflection I confess... I wanted some way to show that the B&W clips later on in the vid were either his inner most thoughts or emotions - which I'm sure I only know ... *g*

And I LOVEEEED how you chose the Sam-clip-in-the-Impala as a сenter clip, around which you built all the video.

And I LOVEEEE that you could see that that was what I was doing!! Yay! Thank you. :D :D

2:39 - OMG GO DEAN! \o/ Loved that beat.

\o/ Oh man - figuring out the beat work in this was near impossible.. I'm glad I could show Dean in a positive light here - coming to help Sam.. :D :D

Hon, you really amazes me how you can tear my soul out with such a deep videos ♥

Wow, thank you. Means such a lot coming from you. <33333

*hugs*

Behind Blue Eyes

[yourlibrarian]

Oh Sam. That killed me.

Re: Behind Blue Eyes

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh noes... don't want to kill you!

Killed you in a good way I hope!! :D :D

Thanks hun. :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you. And I agree Sam's head space is very hard to navigate. I'm not sure he even knows how to get around it. :)

Thanks so much for watching and commenting! :)

[chiiyo86.livejournal.com]

Great vid! You really captured the essence of Sam's angst, and the lyrics are spot on.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. It's great to know you thought so. :D :D

[mara-snh.livejournal.com]

You're the director Show needs now.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

\o/ Now wouldn't that be awesome. I could director pretty boys all day.... :D :D

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

Not being a fan of Supernatural I can only comment on the technical aspect of the vid.

The most prominent thing I see (whether it's conscience or not) is selecting "non-talking head" clips. In doing so it helps in boosting the atmosphere you're trying to achieve. I also like the little skips in the scene whi9ch advance it quickly. Instead of a scene taking 15 seconds it's reduced to 6-7 seconds. Then you can move over to something else for the next stanza of the song.

You are a good editor. If I knew more about the show I could comment on that...

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Not being a fan of Supernatural I can only comment on the technical aspect of the vid

And not being a SPN fan I am impressed (and happy!) that you watched this. Thank you. :)

The most prominent thing I see (whether it's conscience or not) is selecting "non-talking head" clips

This is an extremely conscience effort. One of the first things I learned (or was told rather) was to avoid talking heads. And I do at all costs now. Unless it fits the scene or it's clear what the actor is saying.

I also like the little skips in the scene whi9ch advance it quickly

Which is essentially what making a music vid is all about. I know from a previous comment that you didn't "get" music vids. So the whole point is to tell the story very succinctly without tremendously long scenes. Also, a lot of what is in here would be understood contextually by fans. So when Sam and Dean share looks for example the viewer basically knows what's going on (because they usually know what episode it is from) if they are into that fandom...

You are a good editor.
That means a lot to me. Especially from an accomplished editor such as yourself. :D

Thanks so much for watching and leaving me some wonderful feedback. :)

[etherealsparkle.livejournal.com]

I added my comment on YouTube but wanted praise you again here. That was an amazing vid! Brilliant song choice! Love it! It's inspired!

It's clear a lot of depth/angst is shown and clearly you thought about every little movement/scene/look to work clips with the music. Not enough vidders make that kind of effort, so I loved seeing it here.

The coloring is gorgeously blended and woven to bring more emotion to what I am seeing and hearing. It's one of the most beautiful vids I have seen in a long time. I will be downloading it to my ipod, thank you for sharing it. It's absolutely stunning.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there. Thank you for leaving a comment here as well (I'm yet to catch up with my YT comments)..

I am so glad you enjoyed this and thought it was inspired. That's great to hear. :)

It's clear a lot of depth/angst is shown and clearly you thought about every little movement/scene/look to work clips with the music

Thank you. I am so glad you noticed. I angst over every edit usually.. wanting it to be just so... :)

The coloring is gorgeously blended and woven to bring more emotion to what I am seeing and hearing

That's so wonderful to hear. You can ask my betas about how much trouble I had over the colouring of this! It was all over the place for such a long time... until I was made to sit down and really think about what I was trying to say with it - and then apply the colouring to suit. So thank you. I'm so glad it worked for you. :)

Thank you again for your wonderful feedback. It's meant a lot to me. :)

[lovetheguys.livejournal.com]

I just had to tell you how wonderful this vid is. I have had a soft spot for Sam angst since he cried in his crib as a baby while his mother burned over his head. Poor little fella!

Sam has had a rough life. This vid made me cry, just going over all of it. It makes me want to hug him, hold him, mother him and love him.

Thank you for creating something that made me FEEL so hard!

Love, Robin

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi Robin,

Thank you for your comment. I have to say I've always had a soft spot for Sam. I remember seeing him for the first time in the pilot (when he stuck his head around the door to talk to Jess) - I was in love!!! And his story developed into one that was quite tragic, but so interesting...

Thanks so much for watching and commenting. :)

[debbiel66.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is just incredible. I'm not very good at explaining what moves me in a vid, but I'm still crying after watching this. You just nailed it - all the darkness, grief, and loneliness that seems to be Sam for the past two years.

But my dreams aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be...

This is going to haunt me for along time. *mems*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi! Thank you so much. I'm thrilled the vid moved you... I suppose it's something I always hope to do when making an angsty vid..

But my dreams aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be...

Isn't that lyric amazing? For me it just summed up Sam so completely in S4. He has so much going on in his dreams and underneath and yet he made some decisions that seemed to just go against everything that's "Sam" ....

Thanks again for popping by and commenting. :)

[pixel-0.livejournal.com]

What a lovely vid! It's so emotional, and I actually have a lump in my throat from it as I write this. I really like how it switched back and forth between the black and white and the color shots. Sam in S4 was such a mess, and I think this vid captures all of that--inside and out--perfectly. :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi! Yay, thank you so much for watching and commenting. :D

And I agree, S4 Sam was just so lost and all over the place...just trying to find his ground and with Dean trying to sort out his issues, they were both flailing quite badly...

Thank you again, I'm so glad this worked for you. :)

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

*wants to hug Sammy*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

*g* I always wants to hugs Sammy....

thanks for popping in... :)

[callistosh65.livejournal.com]

Wonderful! Such a bittersweetoh Sammeee experience. I love the way you cut his memories of Dean's death into his staring out the side window especially. Bravo, this is beautifully done.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there! Thank you so much hun. Glad you liked it. :)

[geckoholic]

WOW. I love that song to bits and pieces, but I wouldn't think it'd ever work as a fanvid for me, since it's so bonded with an original character for me, but for this vid? It's suddenly all about Sam.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi there.. thank you. Though I'm intrigued about the orginal character? Is the song actually written about someone in particular? (though I now The Who did the original version) Or do you associate it with someone else?

Anyway - I'm really glad you thought it worked for Sam. It just seemed to me that every lyric was some how related to Sam. Even down to holding back his anger...

Thanks for commenting hun. And for your lovely banner. I just adore it. I love that you chose those browns.. just beautiful. :)