New Vid: Behind Blue Eyes

[ash48]

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Title: Behind Blue Eyes
Vidder: ash48
Song: Behind Blue Eyes by Limp Bizkit
Category: Sam character study / angst
Length: 3.50m
Size 41.4mb
Summary: My love is vengeance, that's never free.

For greyowl88 Your constant support makes me *beam*. And anyone who can watch and comment on all my vids deserves a friggin' medal. I'm all out of those so I hope this vid will do. :)


Links:
Watch: You Tube Downloads: 4shared (.avi) sendspace (.divx)
And an experiment (and a bit presumptuous I suppose), but I have been asked about this: Download for iPods -.m4v
(I'll be curious to know if this works if any one tries it).

vid_the_grid I'm going Vidder's choice for this as I've already used my angst one. :)

Thanks:
I've been lucky to have 2 betas help me out on this. My ever fabulous beta_sharvie_ and the wonderful mithborien. Thanks gals for your keen eyes and awesome suggestions. Special thanks tomaichan808 and my_sn_therapy for their feedback and input. *heffa hugs to you all*

Notes
Right then. I'm going to blab because there's some stuff I want to say about this. So yeah, feel free to skip it. :)

I've been tossing this song around for ages - will I, won't I use it. For me the lyrics were just so perfect for the story and meta I wanted to say about S4 Sam. With stuff like "My dreams aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be", just hit me. But I was reluctant also because I felt the song might be a bit, um sentimental and slow. But those lyrics just leave wouldn't me alone. So here it is.

There's some stuff in here that I was thinking but might not leap out. Like the link I wanted to make between Sam's thirst for killing Lilith is in fact making him turn into the thing he despises the most. So I've gone with symbolising that by overlaying their hands etc.

Also, the idea that Sam was pre-destined to drink demon blood. "Fated" as it were. Quick moments, but that's the thinking behind them.

And lastly the line "No one knows what it's like" - has a double meaning for me. It's not just about Sam lamenting that his brother doesn't understand him or what he's been through but we, the audience, don't much either. We haven't really been given that much insight into what actually drove Sam to saying yes to drinking demon blood for example. That of course, doesn't come out in the vid, but it was one of the motivating factors for choosing this song.

Though this is more of a look at why Sam made some choices and his sense of loneliness.

No money made but comments make me feel nice. :)

Comments

[greyowl88.livejournal.com]

Thank you for making this for me! *blushes*

I know you had all sorts of problems with this vid but I’m so glad you didn’t give up on it!!

Ever since you mentioned that you MIGHT use this song for a Sam vid I was like: I hope she does, I hope she does.....I’m SO glad you did!! You have a way of looking at Sam that shows so much understanding for him. And that makes the vid so heartbreaking.

Here a few moments that kind of jumped at me:
~ The beginning scene with Sam in the car with the memory of Dean going to hell showing Sam’s biggest trauma was a really good start into the vid.
~ And around 0:28 Sam’s look while Dean walkes away from him...*sob*
~ 1:32 – 1:36 “and I blame you (you, you) *heart crumbles*
~ At 2:22 the blend-in with Lillith was great. Like Sam’s memory that she tried to kill him and had killed Dean. But at the same time it seemed to indicate that Sam was executing Lillith’s will. (I noticed the earlier reference to that at 1:13 – 1:15 “my love is vengeance”.) However, that really caught my eye.
~ To put in the clip with Dean taking Sam’s hand at 3:02 was beautiful. It was connected to the words “my dreams they are as empty”...*bawls*
~ I love the “my love is vengeance” around 3:20. The memory build-up to it, the hospital scene and then Sam killing Alistair. I mean how can Sam feel anything but anger....? *feels with Sam*
~ And the last scene with Sam walking away.....*cries openly*

I think I could comment on each and every clip because they all fit so perfectly and together they create this overall story arch of Sam’s misery and........*sniff*........*sob*..........now where did I put those tissues......

I just love this vid and it's the new featured vid on my youtube channel (of course!).

(I would have used a Sam icon but when answering my "cheap account" lol only gives me default...)

xx

[maichan.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you stuck with this. Lyrically the song is just too perfect, especially the "fated" line. The angst is just insanely spot on and makes for the perfect companion piece to Hurt. I just adore the finished product and how the footage dances between color and black & white.

[devon99.livejournal.com]

Sweetie!! That was fabulous!!
*wibbles*
Poor Sammy. You made a perfect song choice and scene selection.
Really well done indeed.

[rhoboat.livejournal.com]

This vid just rips my heart out and stomps on it. I love how you linger on certain shots that make want to go "Awww, Sam!! Wonderfully done ash48. :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh wow! Thanks so much for your lovely detailed feedback. *rolls around in it*.

I glad I stuck with it too - thanks again for the pokes!! I was so on again, off again... and then all the trouble with pixelation...

And now because I love talking about vidding.... *g*

The start of the vid is interesting in that I initially started with that scene at the beginning of the lyrics and had nothing to start the vid with. So I tried moving it forward and liked the way it set the vid up. So I'm glad you like that bit. :)

To put in the clip with Dean taking Sam’s hand at 3:02 was beautiful. It was connected to the words “my dreams they are as empty”...*bawls*

Yay. I really wanted to show that Sam has "nice" dreams too and they are of having a real connection again with Dean, starting with him returning from hell. I just love the hand holding...oh boys...

And the last scene with Sam walking away.....*cries openly*

I initially had an entirely different ending - bringing it back to him looking into his reflection in the car window by after some feedback from Coastal I decided to move his journey forward instead of going back.

hee! Sorry - I'm sure you didn't need to know all that, but I kinda love blabbing about the process.... :)

Thanks again hun. For everything.

(Oh and I'm sure you can have icons with a non paid account. I did before I upgraded. You get about 15 I think....)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi hun. Thank you so much. The song is ridiculously spot on for Sam I think - even down to being defeated and saying sorry at the end. I just couldn't not do it.

makes for the perfect companion piece to Hurt.

Oh thank you. That means a lot. I really did want to make it a companion piece to Hurt..

Thanks again darlin'
xx

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey hun! Thanks so very much. So glad you thought so.. :D :D

xx

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hey! Yay, thanks so much. Poor Sam just rips my heart out all the time.. especially during Season 4.

Thanks so much for watching and commenting hun. :)

[azziria.livejournal.com]

Oh, that is so beautiful! Sam's loneliness comes across in an utterly heartbreaking way. You are so talented, m'dear!

[virtualpersonal.livejournal.com]

Awesome vid, very emotional and emotion evoking. Great depiction of how Sam felt during season 4, and perfect choice of song.

Thanks!

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

God this is amazing! It made me want to hug Sam and rewatch all of S4 immediately. The meta contained in your visual narrative is just stunning and a most passionate and compassionate portrayal of Sam's struggles.

[callme-k.livejournal.com]

You're a funny one...cautious as you are re: making angsty vids, when you've now created two of the most wonderful character studies of the boys:)
I just adore this. I love the consideration you give to scenes and their context; how you succeed in extracting the significance from them and between others.
The interpretive & narrative quality of this is so thoroughly introspective and accurate. Even though I've known of and felt these same issues you bring to light here, a part of me (after seeing this) really does feel as though I didn't know Sam, so private and personal is the reflection here.
Love it! xx

[redteekal.livejournal.com]

First of all YAY! You did a Sam piece to go with the 'Hurt' Dean piece :)) *beams*

Second of all congrats on this vid - now you can maybe write this comment off to Simone being a little bit biased but I'm pretty sure I've not seen such a high ratio of visually appealing footage AND meta material in an Spn vid like this before.

I mean I *know* the boys are pretty and all but these particular scenes seem to stand out with Sam's stark aesthetic appeal. Yeah I know Jared is gorgeous but to have such relevant/appropriate and suitable scenes correlate so well with the lyrics *and* portray Sam in all his masculine beauty does not seem to be par for the course for vidmakers in this fandom.

I can see exactly why you ummed and ahhed about using this song and I'll be honest when I say, having been familiar with the song, I had written it off when listening to it on my ipod as an overly sentimental and cliched number to use. But now you've forced me to actually listen to these lyrics and in relation to Sam and I'm a little bit gobsmacked as to why I didn't see that before. This is a Sam song through and through.

I love how you had the ongoing theme of Sam in the car and his reflection...and I really liked how you had a different take on the same lyrics as the song progressed - the "dreams" line holding a different meaning at the beginning than it did near the end. I like how you slipped a bit of Dean blame in there (I love Dean to pieces but I tend to think he gets let off a little easy in this fandom) from Sam's POV. And so pertinent to the line before the "blame" one - "No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings..." - the epitome of Sam is right there.

And I love that line "My love is vengeance...that's never free" It's not ideal by a long shot but vengeance a lot of the time is how Sam has shown his love - seeking vengeance. And it was always going to cost him.
Another line that stood out - and so relevant after 5.11 - "No one bites back as hard on their anger" you had the perfect scene choice from S4's Siren.

My one teeny tiny concrit (and I really hope you take this as concrit) was that the ending felt a little abrupt to me. I know the song ends this way and I have no idea how you counteract that in a seamless, invisible manner so forgive me if it's just one of those impossible to do things.

There were so many moments in this vid that were just in perfect clarity and synchronous to the lyrics - great work :) I liked your Dean vid to Hurt a lot but I think I like this one more :)) And you're right about the suprising lack of insight into Sam's motivations we get as viewers and I think that may possibly be reflective of Sam's own inner conflict and the simple fact that not even Sam himself has clarity on why he is driven to his actions. He's only just recognised now that his level of anger at the world may not be normal. I hope we see more of Sam coming to an understanding and acceptance of his nature and what drives him.

Thanks for sharing and making.

What's next on your vidding to do list??

[dinalori.livejournal.com]

Wow. This was in my new videos list when I logged into youtube yesterday. I love it! My heart was in my throat in several spots. You picked the perfect clips to go with the lyrics. Honestly I could go clip by clip and tell you something that I loved about each, but instead I'll just say: Amazing job as always. ♥
I assume the shot of Dean's grave from 5.1 is where you wanted a clip of Sam at a grave site?

[dinalori.livejournal.com]

*facepalm* I meant 4.1
*must stop commenting before morning caffeine*

[greyowl88.livejournal.com]

....detailed feedback. *rolls around in it*.

Hmmmm......rolling around in feedback........*imagination feeds pictures*

hee! Sorry - I'm sure you didn't need to know all that, but I kinda love blabbing about the process.... :)

Actually I like hearing about it. And funny enough I thought about it, too, how the vid would have been with it ending in the car again. And I agree that it was a good idea to move his journey forward. That made everything much more real rather than having Sam just think about it in the car. (Am I blabbing now?...lol.)

:D:D

And about the icons, it's like this: I have 15 that I can use for any journal or community entry or for posting a community reply. But when posting a reply to a privat journal I can only use my standard icon. AFTER I had worked that out I found a LJ info explaning it to me....(lol).

[winterevanesce.livejournal.com]

This is really fantastic! Such a perfect vid on Sam. Wonderful job.

[bowtrunckle.livejournal.com]

Beautiful vid! The song is perfect for Sam and I thought the vid was far from overly "sentimental" as sometimes happens. Great clip selection, they matched the lyrics without being too predictable. :)

[secretlytodream.livejournal.com]

OH BOY!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

I actually haven't thought that it's possible to make an SPN vid for that song. I mean, on the one hand - I've never saw clips for that song, but on the other - the song is an obvious winner! \o/ I thought there's tons of vids, that's why I never got my hands on it in the first place :) And I'm glad I didn't! because you vid is soooooooooooooooooooooooooo good!

I really loved the first clip. I think that it's one of those things that people remember - the first clip, credits maybe and the last one. The beginning and the end. And hon? You did an amazing job. This b&w reflection of Sam? WTF! \o/

You really managed to create the mood in the vid, feeling the song through your clips choice and soft and simple editing. Everything was so smooth, and so clear - loved it.

And I LOVEEEED how you chose the Sam-clip-in-the-Impala as a сenter clip, around which you built all the video.

2:39 - OMG GO DEAN! \o/ Loved that beat.

Hon, you really amazes me how you can tear my soul out with such a deep videos ♥

Behind Blue Eyes

[yourlibrarian]

Oh Sam. That killed me.

[chiiyo86.livejournal.com]

Great vid! You really captured the essence of Sam's angst, and the lyrics are spot on.

[mara-snh.livejournal.com]

You're the director Show needs now.

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

Not being a fan of Supernatural I can only comment on the technical aspect of the vid.

The most prominent thing I see (whether it's conscience or not) is selecting "non-talking head" clips. In doing so it helps in boosting the atmosphere you're trying to achieve. I also like the little skips in the scene whi9ch advance it quickly. Instead of a scene taking 15 seconds it's reduced to 6-7 seconds. Then you can move over to something else for the next stanza of the song.

You are a good editor. If I knew more about the show I could comment on that...

[etherealsparkle.livejournal.com]

I added my comment on YouTube but wanted praise you again here. That was an amazing vid! Brilliant song choice! Love it! It's inspired!

It's clear a lot of depth/angst is shown and clearly you thought about every little movement/scene/look to work clips with the music. Not enough vidders make that kind of effort, so I loved seeing it here.

The coloring is gorgeously blended and woven to bring more emotion to what I am seeing and hearing. It's one of the most beautiful vids I have seen in a long time. I will be downloading it to my ipod, thank you for sharing it. It's absolutely stunning.

[lovetheguys.livejournal.com]

I just had to tell you how wonderful this vid is. I have had a soft spot for Sam angst since he cried in his crib as a baby while his mother burned over his head. Poor little fella!

Sam has had a rough life. This vid made me cry, just going over all of it. It makes me want to hug him, hold him, mother him and love him.

Thank you for creating something that made me FEEL so hard!

Love, Robin