I wasn't going to do this but..

[ash48]

DAMN! I just have to unload a bit and then I might feel better. I've noticed peeps doing it through vid and fics and art and meta and there's been some amazing stuff. I will vid it out at some point, but in the meantime a few things re

On second watch I tried to be objective, take a step back, look at the way it was shot, the acting, the amount of blood on Dean's face, anything that kept me from bawling again. It was working pretty well until I discovered the moment, the line that makes this all so sad for me...

"Every part of him, every fiber he's got
Wants to die
Or find a way to bring Sam back.
But he isn't gonna do either.
Because he made a promise

WHAAAAAAA! He isn't gonna do either!!?!!! I just. I can't. I just can't reconcile that. I can't reconcile Dean chowing down on dinner knowing... KNOWING, what Sam is going through. I know he needs comfort and I get that and I have no issue with it being Lisa or anything. I just. *sobs* It's Sam! DO something!

Also... that piece of music has been used before. I'm pretty sure of it. In another really sad episode. So damn that piece of music for making it worse. I haven't gone searching, but I'm sure it's been used before.. (?)

And something else. Kripke said good-bye. To us. It was weird to me the first time around but this time I listened to Kripke rather than Chuck and it got me thinking that this is, of course his swan song and after 5 years he said goodbye.

Endings are hard
Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard, can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible.
You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can.
The fans are always gonna bitch.
There's always gonna be holes.
And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something.
I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.

Hee! Thanks man. We love you too. :) I wonder if he had any idea how passionate his fans would be when all this started. How easy it was to start this show, but with so many loyal and passionate pains in his ass fans, by the end he just felt more pressure to get it right. But knew he couldn't. There's too many of us to please. No wonder he left us in tears. (And I know he's probably still gonna hang around but he's let go of the reigns).

Personally I have a lot to thank him for. I won't list them all. It's basically everything that fandom brings. From learning how to vid to chatting with people from across the globe. People I consider friends. Wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. So, THANK YOU sir.

Then's there's this:



I can't think that this (arms stretched out) is a coincidence when we've had quite a few shots of Sam like this:



I wondered if they'd tie those up (there were a few others with Sam in this position; Dream a Little Dream and Jump the Shark to name a couple). They did. I love it when they do that. I do adore you Show. But FU for making me hurt so hard.



Lastly. I do actually want to "vid it out". I have an idea but I'm trying to come up with the quintessential Supernatural song. I know "Carry On My Wayward Son" is probably the one... but other than that? ACDC? Led Zep? Metallica?? *eep*

*phew* I do feel better now. :)

Oooh and also! Got my new MacBook Pro today! Shiny, shiny new laptop! \o\ /o/

Comments

[el1ie.livejournal.com]

I'm still reeling over everything and all the talk about Dean only being with Lisa because he promised Sam makes me really sad - mainly for her and Ben - what kind of relationship can be built on that? Hopefully just a good friend with a spare room?

«   »

I just can't reconcile that. I can't reconcile Dean chowing down on dinner knowing... KNOWING, what Sam is going through.

I know and I don't know WHEN it is that Sam's outside - couple of days? Couple of months? YEARS? All that time Dean knowing where he left Sam, even if it was their only chance and they agreed? Breaks my heart, and then some of the codas I've read have Sam walking away and leaving Dean to his happy life with Lisa without saying "hello, I'm back" and that? That's even WORSE! I can't understand a Sam that would leave Dean thinking his brother is in the pit with the Devil - ::shakes head:: - I can't compute that at all.

Good luck finding a song hon - don't look at me, I'm terrible at finding the right songs, I'm sure you'll drop on one. I am vidding it, but I'm not sure I'll post - it's so bloody sad and depressing I'm not sure if I'll even finish the damn thing - but at least it's got me opening the prog and laying in some clips - over the top sentimental cry fest and I blame Kripke for everything. For the first time in ages I might go looking for spoilers - not sure yet, but I might just have to.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. Yes. I mean, if Dean knew that Sam was dead and in heaven then I could understand him moving on. Getting a life. Sam's in heaven, with Ash and Ellen and Jo and the gang and it would be OK for Dean to have his apple pie life. But Dean has been there. He even said he would be worse for Sam down there. I just don't GET THAT.

And good call on poor Lisa and Ben. What kind of happiness could they have? Even if Dean made the decision to move on (as it appears) he wouldn't be a happy soul to live with.

And hun. I can't even start on Sam outside! The look he gives is so hard to read. It could be "so you really are happy now I'm gone"... ack.. I don't even know why I went there, but second time around I got the sense of that.

Re song. Actually I have this super depressing song that was going to be my next vid... but I just can't vid it at the moment. *guh* so sad. So I'm thinking more of a Kripke homage. No sure yet. I just have too many I want to do. NOW!

*hugs* hun. We'll survive it all in the end.. :D

[el1ie.livejournal.com]

I know, it's worse and worse the longer you think about it. I have to think it's only a couple of days, Sam will go and let Dean know he's out and ok and they'll agree on some time apart - that's about the only thing that keeps me going.

I haven't been able to watch it again yet... sounds as though I should thought as I honestly hadn't thought about that look from Sam meaning that - **ouch**

Song - um...show has used my all time favourite Free track - All Right Now, love that song to death, might work for you? From the Impala's pov? *G* Ok, now I'm being silly...

[ash48.livejournal.com]

From the Impala's pov? *G* Ok, now I'm being silly...

Oh no. No. I've been wanting to do an Impala POV vid FOR AGES! I'll check out the song.

Though for this idea it's more about ensemble. (though I hate having and idea and no song. Never works out for some reason... *sigh*)

But looking at their lives from the Impala's POV is so totally on my list of things I want to vid. :)

I have to think it's only a couple of days,

Oh god. I hope it's only a couple of days. I haven't begun to contemplate how much time has passed. I just thought it was a short while.. but really? Probably not. Ok. Not thinking about it. *lalalala*

xx

[stormcloude]

Don't go looking for spoilers. They make it worse.

[el1ie.livejournal.com]

Ah! Good advice, thanks.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Too late! I already have. I was avoiding spoilers going into the final eps, but now.... BRING 'EM ON!

And I agree... I'm not liking them. But. I have to believe the boys will return to each other because fundamentally this is what this show is all about. And there is the joy of thinking about their reunion. :D (can I hope for hugs maybe??) I am (even now) optimistic about this show, and where it will go. If it doesn't? Well... let's not go there...

:D

[stormcloude]

For me it's not really about them finding each other again. It's about how much has probably changed in the interim. And that's what I really do not want.

But hey, since season 4, SPN's been horrible about tranlating the bigger emotions to the screen. They prefer to shove them off screen or tack them to the end of episodes, so I really shouldn't be surprised. >.

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

see -i love how Supernatural shows how hard love is. Dean finally gets to the point of asking Sam what he wants...and its that he doesn't go after him. The whole meta that brings up about what is love - doing what someone wants? or going against that because you are doing what you think is best? And of course they are not decisions with easy answers.

Most of all i love the almost physical ache fandom feels at the thought of Sam and Dean being apart.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Most of all i love the almost physical ache fandom feels at the thought of Sam and Dean being apart.

It's a friggin' killer! But it's not just them being apart. It's that one of them is in hell, while the other remains on earth. If Sam was dead and in heaven I'd be totally OK that Dean enjoys the rest of his life with a new family. I honestly would. (well ok, maybe not completely ok, but much more ok than now). For me it simply comes down to how they've been separated. :((((((

And something else that weighs on me. Is that we never actually heard Dean make that promise. They deliberately cut away at that point. We have to assume he did because we were told he did. Damn them. Maybe Chuck's lying. *nods*

Ok. Ok. I'm grasping.

No other finale has hurt this much.

*hugs* thanks for popping by hun. Moments like this I'd like to grab a bottle of wine and really pop over. :)

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

what i like about the scenario is that it gets to the heart of grief. The hard part is to go on living. And the final scene shows Dean is hardly enjoying himself!

And yes, damn being across the country! *grabs wine and heads across Nullabor*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

*grabs wine and heads across Nullabor*

\o/

Psst.. also, "Love Shack" has found it's way to the top of the list. I'm in the mood for something a little more light hearted... ;)

[missyjack.livejournal.com]

\o/

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

So - is the show over or are they continuing one for more seasons?

No matter what I figure you'll continue to vid Supernatural. It's in your blood now.

And now I'm jealous you got a new laptop and I'm stuck with a three year old MacBook Pro.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Season 5 just finished (and it hurt like hell!). They have been renewed for season 6 \o/.

Oh and yes, I will also vid SPN. It's been in my blood for many years. (I've made about 50 spn vids!).

And MacBook is indeed brand spanking new. I have it through my work, so not technically mine, but I get to play on it! :D

[redteekal.livejournal.com]

You know when Chuck said that "Because he made a promise" I think I may have yelled in objection a little at the screen. The intensity of my focus on Dean in that scene in the Impala when Sam is insisting Dean doesn't do anything to try and bring him back - that he goes off to his apple pie life was all about whether that promise was verbalised. Dean didn't say squat. Nada. There was no acquiesence whatsoever. So it's total BS in my books. At that moment at the end when he goes to Lisa I'm thinking all he's after is some numbing of the pain...I didn't for one second think think Chuck had it right. As he said it never really ends.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes. We never heard it! And it's only been chatting in this post that I realised that maybe Chuck totally telling us BS all along. If we had to believe Dean made that promise then we would have heard it. Surely! (Why does that make me feel so much better!??!)

On my first viewing I totally saw Lisa has being a way of numbing the pain. It was pure comfort. The scene with him having dinner with her didn't really sunk in. Until that second viewing. Then it was like... Noooooo.

As he said it never really ends.

Hee ! Yes. For me that was Kripke telling us that he's not going away. And that he is totally screwing with us. Bastard! :D

xx

[debbiel66.livejournal.com]

I thought I was doing better (wow, this sort of sounds like grief, doesn't it?) but then I read your post and started crying again.

Guess not.

I'm having the most trouble with the idea of Dean even pretending to live his life when he knows what Sam is going through. No wonder he's drinking his whiskey without ice. Reminded of the Buffy line - "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.... Be brave. Live for me."

Sam always did ask a lot of Dean. *grieves with you*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

I thought I was doing better (wow, this sort of sounds like grief, doesn't it?)

Oh man... I actually said to myself the the other day (out loud!) "I have to move on"....that's when I knew I was seriously grieving.


Sam always did ask a lot of Dean.

Oh whaaaaaaa!!!!! And Dean does what Sammy asks... I CAN"T COPE WITH THAT!! :(((((

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it.... Be brave. Live for me."

I've actually never watched Buffy. But this line just kills me. Though I cannot imagine either boy living any sort of life knowing the other one is suffering. I just can't. *sniff*

*group grieving*

<333

[debbiel66.livejournal.com]

Buffy was my last favorite show, but I still don't think I loved it the way I love this one. That's why I think I'm grieving - it's because the boys *are* real. Sam did die in a horrible, beautiful way, and now Dean is stuck doing the hardest thing imaginable. Talk about eternal torment...

I'm going to be watching your vids all summer long to get me through.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Ooh - you summed up the boys predicament perfectly.. :(

I'm going to be watching your vids all summer long to get me through.

ARH! I hope my muse kicks in then. Well, my happy muse. I have got a "happy" idea in mind. I might go with that one first instead of that super depressing one that has been jostling for top spot.. :)

xx

[debbiel66.livejournal.com]

Yay!!! Will try to aim happy vibes at you. I am in serious awe of what you do.

[lsketch42.livejournal.com]

"WHAAAAAAA! He isn't gonna do either!!?!!! I just. I can't. I just can't reconcile that. I can't reconcile Dean chowing down on dinner knowing... KNOWING, what Sam is going through. I know he needs comfort and I get that and I have no issue with it being Lisa or anything. I just. *sobs* It's Sam! DO something!"

"Personally I have a lot to thank him for. I won't list them all. It's basically everything that fandom brings. From learning how to vid to chatting with people from across the globe. People I consider friends. Wouldn't be here if it wasn't for him. So, THANK YOU sir."

"I just have to unload a bit and then I might feel better. I've noticed peeps doing it through vid and fics and art and meta and there's been some amazing stuff. I will vid it out at some point."

Yes yes and YES.

Though I have been trying to vid it out, but I am suffering from vidding... impotence. I can't seem to make it through an entire vid anymore. *shakes fist*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

I can't seem to make it through an entire vid anymore. *shakes fist*

Oh noes! We can't have that! :( Hopefully one day. Maybe a vidlet..?!? :)

xx

[not-sally.livejournal.com]

Lastly. I do actually want to "vid it out". I have an idea but I'm trying to come up with the quintessential Supernatural song. I know "Carry On My Wayward Son" is probably the one... but other than that? ACDC? Led Zep? Metallica?? *eep*
I'd say Sarah McLachlan.
XP

[amnisias.livejournal.com]

Heat Of The Moment - Asia :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yes, I can see that working! :)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Ooh. I do like her. I have listened to her stuff before trying to find inspiration.. Maybe I'll take another listen.

:)

[greyowl88.livejournal.com]

My feelings about the show live in my heart and don't really make to my mouth.

So I just say YAY to your new laptop. \o/

*hugs*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

I do tend to blab a bit. But I have to say, this has really helped. I've put some things to bed and now I can move on. Time to vid me thinks... :D:D

[greyowl88.livejournal.com]

I do wish I could put things into words more. But by the time I open my mouth "or start to type" - lol - It's all gone.

I had the funny thought of somebody writing a book about how to cope with the show. Giving advice when to read what, when to vid and when to "blab" (how you put it).
Maybe we should hire J&J to shoot our own finale. You know, the one with the very, very happy ending. So we can all find peace at last....*g*

:D:D

[zimshan.livejournal.com]

WHAAAAAAA! He isn't gonna do either!!?!!! I just. I can't. I just can't reconcile that. I can't reconcile Dean chowing down on dinner knowing... KNOWING, what Sam is going through.
RIGHT? Like it's hard to even wrap your mind around. Sam in hell. For saving the world. And Dean sitting down to dinner. I've gotten over a lot in this episode, and I can rationalize my way through it, but rewatching, that's still the one moment on screen that registers as DOES NOT COMPUTE. And the new spoilers now? They're just making it all the more worse. How the HELL are they gonna justify that??!

Best of luck to you on finding a song to vid it out. Vidding is always such therapy for me, yet I can't even manage to think about touching clips just yet. I'm still at *wallowing in everyone else's work* :((

that piece of music has been used before. I'm pretty sure of it. In another really sad episode. So damn that piece of music for making it worse. I haven't gone searching, but I'm sure it's been used before.. (?)
Pssst. I think THIS is what you're looking for. :)

It's been used at least a couple times this season before the finale too. I just haven't gotten the chance to go back and add them all in yet. Dean's memory with Mary making the sandwich in 'Dark Side' is one other moment I can remember off the top of my head.

[stormcloude]

How the HELL are they gonna justify that??!

That's exactly my problem too. And now I can't even rationalize it away over the hiatus.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

And the new spoilers now? They're just making it all the more worse. How the HELL are they gonna justify that??!

I know! My heart dropped out of my chest when I read those. I just... arghhhh. I usually say something like "but I trust my show will do the right thing..", but I just don't feel that I can say that any more. I'm just scared now.

I can't even manage to think about touching clips just yet

Yeah. I hear you. I can't contemplate any sort of vid to do with angst or that episode yet. So. A bit of light hearted fluff first me thinks... :D

And wow! Thanks for the link. What an amazing thing to do. I don't always take much note of the back ground music (well subconsciously I do I suppose), but this time it was very recognisable. Yay. And that's why. Thank you! <3333333

[amnisias.livejournal.com]

it got me thinking that this is, of course his swan song and after 5 years he said goodbye.

Yes. I know some people are not in favour of "breaking the 4th wall", but since season 4&5 have gone there a few times before I thought this to be a very fitting way for Kripke to put himself in the show and say Goodbye. I think that like in the Whedonverse the SPN fanbase are very aware of the writers, producers and other 'behind the scene' folks and I think it's nice that Kripke feels the same way about the fans and wanted some form "Goodbye".

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Yes. I haven't really enjoyed the breaking the 4th wall stuff so much. It's kinda made me feel a little uncomfortable or something. Though I get that it was meant as a bit of fun, so yeah. To say goodbye like that did seem fitting. It would have seemed very strange indeed if they hadn't broken the wall before that point....

I know the fans have been very important to Kripke, so yeah. This is totally in his character to do that. :)

[yourlibrarian]

I wondered if they'd tie those up (there were a few others with Sam in this position; Dream a Little Dream and Jump the Shark to name a couple). They did. I love it when they do that.

Goodness, I'd forgotten that and I'm so glad you brought it up. I remember the talk going around back then about Sam seemingly set up as a sacrifice but it didn't make a lot of sense (Sam always seemed to have so much agency, the symbolism seemed contradictory). But now of course, it makes perfect sense. He set himself up as a sacrifice, a huge one, for all time.

Ooh, new laptop!

[yourlibrarian]

Oh, and as regards this:

I'm trying to come up with the quintessential Supernatural song. I know "Carry On My Wayward Son" is probably the one... but other than that? ACDC? Led Zep? Metallica?? *eep*

Well, given Ronnie James Dio's recent death it might be fitting to do something from his oeuvre. But my first thought was a vid I'd wanted to see done for the show some time ago and then the show actually used it in 3.01, which is "You Ain't Seen Nothin' Yet." While it's not as quintessentially SPN as something like Back in Black or Wayward Son, I'd argue the fact that it was used at all -- and for that episode, which was the one after Dean's set himself up to die -- makes it quintessential in its own way. It's also an upbeat song with an optimistic message (from the fan POV). So I'd nominate it.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oooh. Thank you. That could work very well. I do indeed want something upbeat and optimistic. *runs off to listen*

*hugs*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Yes. Yes. I was sure they weren't showing us "sacrifical!Sam" for nothing. I even wondered if they may have had him tied to a cross at some point in the finale... but this was the next best thing. I figure they always new Sam would be sacrificing himself like that... *more sniffing*

[yourlibrarian]

Well Kripke certainly knew, yes. It makes me wonder, given that Sera's now his successor, if she was filled in a while back. Both those episodes were hers.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Ahhh. Interesting. Yes indeed. Good for her for giving us that through line then. I love seeing that level of thinking.

xx

[aunt-jiggy.livejournal.com]

I always love reading your show reviews (and watching your videos, naturally!!). I'm usually a lurker though... but this time I feel that I actually have something to contribute, so... here you go:


WHAAAAAAA! He isn't gonna do either!!?!!! I just. I can't. I just can't reconcile that. I can't reconcile Dean chowing down on dinner knowing... KNOWING, what Sam is going through. I know he needs comfort and I get that and I have no issue with it being Lisa or anything. I just. *sobs* It's Sam! DO something!

I felt the same way! But I have to say that that's not the case anymore because there are some metas that actually made me realise WHY he isnt gonna do either.
If you're interested, here're the links:
--> http://tahirire.livejournal.com/233898.html (that one's adressing other things as well but still pretty interesting)
--> http://idontagree.livejournal.com/13351.html (that one's addressing exactly that question and listing reasons why Dean isn't trying to save sam.)
--> and there are at least two more! But I haven't saved them in my mem's. I'll let you know once I find them. I hope this helps a bit... good day to you! =)

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Hi! (yay for delurking!) Thanks so much for the links. I read tahirire's post and really enjoyed the positive spin on it. It's always great to see the upside of these heart wrenching episodes.

I have read the other one but I will check it out. Though I have just been involved in a discussion where I've gained a little more understanding about why Dean does go after Sam. It made a lot of sense to me and has helped me understand the progress that has been made by him taking that stance.

It still hurts like a bugger and I wish neither of them had been put into this position... but it is SPN!!

Thanks! :D

[tenaciousmetoo.livejournal.com]

The one thing I haven't heard anyone address is that Sam's situation is different. When Dean went to hell, it was because he sold his soul and agreed to go there. As Dean. But Sam was bringing Lucifer to his box in hell.

So, yes, it may mean that Lucifer is released and then Sam is tortured, or it may mean that Lucifer is the one who is confined and Sam -- who didn't sell his soul or otherwise earn a stay down there -- is...what? Released back to Earth? Removed from Lucifer and....?

I'm sure they'll tell us next season (still spoiler-free for me), but I keep wondering if we're to believe that Lucifer was "in his box" before the apocalypse, or if this return is somehow different and minimizes his control of the underworld.

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Oh yes. This is so interesting.

I suppose I have assumed that Sam (whether he is still possessed by Lucifer or not), is down there in some way suffering. (either by having to have Lu in him, or being caught by the demons and tortured).

But, as you say, Sam doesn't really belong down there. He hasn't earned his stay in hell which makes perfect sense about why he has been brought back. :D My personal fanon is that God has saved Sam. It makes sense to me that God brought Castiel back and also saved Sam. It is also my hope as I do not like the idea that they will have to deal with Sam as Lucifer in Season 6. I'd love to seem them move on from there. That arc has run its course I feel.

Oooh - I wonder if Dean has considered this?

Ooh, I like this. I'm already beginning to feel better about why Dean has made his decision to not try and save Sam, now I feel better about Sam in that final shot. Sam doesn't belong in hell. (I can't remember if show has ever mentioned souls being in hell that don't belong there?)

Thanks. :)

[geckoholic]

Yeah, that is just . . . It's the impossible choice, doing what someone you loved SO MUCH asked you too, made you promise, or doing what'd be best for him, SAVE HIM. Gah, oh Dean!! Especially since he's just know beginning to respect and aknowledge Sam's choices and . . . I can't even. *sniffles*

[ash48.livejournal.com]

Yes yes. That's why this is sooooo hard. Do as Sam has asked or break the cycle of sacrifice?? This, in fact, is exactly the issue I am vidding about at the moment. That promise! I hope I can pull it off.

This hurt just doesn't want to go away. :(((((

<3

[geckoholic]

I'm SURE you can pull it off!! :)